What happens with your relationship if you tolerate his bad behaviors?

Are you tollerating his bad behaviors 

When I say "bad behaviors" I don't mean necessarily something that's criminal or abusive. I'm talking about things that just don't make you happy in a relationship.  Some of these can be truly bad behaviors, such as texting salacious messages to his coworker, or telling his ex that he misses her, or flaking on dates with you. On the other hand, there could be other types of behaviors that just show his lack of skill in communication, courting, etc.

There are different ranges of his bad behaviors, and different women have different tolerance levels, but, this happens in every relationship.  We all have our version of the story.

You finally think you've found the right guy. The beginning of your relationship is so magical. You can't wait to tell your friends how sweet he was this Friday. He sends you regular loving texts,  and you are on a cloud nine. You can't imagine you would need to worry about his bad behaviors.

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When his bad behaviors start emerging we often tend to avoid confrontation

But at some point, your prince charming does some things that are not the most thrilling for you. And, you hope that if you close your eyes, things will go back to the way they were a couple of weeks ago when you two were riding a wave of bliss. Or at least you thought so.

We all went through this experience. You meet him. He sweeps you off your feet, and you forget all your standards and start compromising your values and expectations.  What leads you to this place?

You are hit with the withdrawal effects that intoxication of the initial honeymoon phase. This phase was magical for several reasons, and one of which is that at the beginning of your relationship,  you were enjoying it by being in the moment without analyzing how your relationship is going.

Those were the good times when you didn't know how the relationship would go, but you were relaxed, somewhat detached.  So, he was doing a dance to attract and wow you. This means that he was working more in the relationship to ensure that you like him. Now, when you are dancing along with him, his behaviors are making you wonder, "Does he not care about me anymore?" What's going on here?

His bad behaviors

Addressing his bad behaviors is an opportunity to get closer or to stop wasting your time with a wrong partner

You notice something that's not aligning with your vision of how you would like the relationship to go. What you do in the early stages of the relationship can make a significant impact on how your relationship goes. You can use this to grow closer together, or you can neglect it and let the relationship dissolve entirely or to the point that you both loose passion for each other. If you express yourself and he reacts in an extremely negative manner, it can be a sign to call the quits perhaps. Similarly, if you both take advantage of the situation and work on the issues, you can grow closer in your relationship. The worst thing you can do is just let it slide if it bothers you.

When you neglect his bad behaviors, this often has a profound effect on your partner or your relationship

Tolerating his bad behaviors

He can feel disempowered to make you happy

Well, if you never express yourself, he will really have a hard time with you.  Although it seems you are easy going and not demanding, he may not know how to please you. If you are lucky to date what I call a good man, you should know that he has a sincere desire to please you.

He doesn't even understand what bothers you or what you enjoy if you are timid to express yourself. This can be very disempowering for a good man. Although you don't complain, he will feel your simmering dissatisfaction, and this will erode your connection with your partner. When he doesn't know how to please you, he simply gives up.

He may feel that he doesn't even matter to you

Another profound effect of you not expressing yourself and allowing him to please you is that it will make him feel that he doesn't really matter that much to you. This sounds counterintuitive, but bear with me a bit. If you never express yourself, he may think that you are not in it for a long-term with him. If he knows that there are some less than ideal behaviors that you tolerate, he may think that you are with him not for him, but for other reasons.  He may think you are with him because you are afraid to be alone,  because he is affluent, or any other reason that may relate to him.

Avoiding confrontation also affects your relationship

You two may grow apart if you nurture relationship without confrontation

If your relationship continues into a more serious commitment, avoiding confrontation sets you up for problems in the relationship. Although you don't complain much, there must be a lot of simmering underlying tension that you two may be experiencing. If you have a tendency to evade confrontation, your relationship may dissolve because two of you just may grow apart.

He may feel tricked and that you want to change him

In another case, if you decide to start expressing yourself all of a sudden, this may disrupt your relationship and bring up a lot of issues suddenly. You catch him by surprise. This is one of the reasons why men often say that women change when they get married. This makes him feel cheated.  All of a sudden, he feels that you don't accept him for who he is. Feeling accepted by your partner is one of the essential elements of happy relationships

You don't provide him with an opportunity to grow closer to you

Relationships don't run smoothly, but the joy of relationships isn't that everything is perfect. The joy comes from our ability to become more intimate while still maintaining our individuality. Relationships are an excellent opportunity to grow as a person by learning how to work with the other party. The reward is love, affection, closeness, and nurturing. The price is growing as a person and being flexible.

Men thrive in the relationships when they can become a better version of themselves. Have you ever hear a man say, "She helps me be my best self." There are examples in history of men building amazing monuments, writing novels, poems, or symphonies for their beloved one. In more ordinary examples, we have wonderful ordinary men working hard to bring the bread to the table, to buy a better house, or to take his family for a wonderful vacation.So, when you don't address his bad behaviors, you don't provide him with the opportunity to get closer to you.

his bad behaviors

How to address his bad behaviors


It's understandable that you don't want to become his mother or teacher and keep nagging him. This will definitely not help you grow your relationship closer. In order to be able to do this well, it's necessary to be somewhat vulnerable and in touch with your emotions. If you are always in your head, it's hard to be in touch with your feelings. This is one of the primary reasons why smart women struggle with love.  There are specific ways in which you can communicate with him that will reach him and empower him to make changes that will make both of you happy.

About the Author

I'm dedicated to guiding women from feeling confused and frustrated to feeling competent and joyful when it comes to matters of love and romance.

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