How to Make Him Commit: A Bold Strategy for Dealing with Avoidant Attachment in Relationships
Are you tired of waiting for him to commit? When you met him, he gave you the impression that he was interested in something serious, but now he tells you something like, "Let's take it slow..." Nothing's worse, and you definitely deserve better - a secure man who's stoked to take it to the next level with you. In this article, we'll explore a powerful strategy to transform your love life and navigate the challenges of commitment in relationships, especially when dealing with a partner with avoidant attachment style.
Understanding commitment in relationships
Before we dive into the strategy, it's crucial to understand what commitment really means in a relationship. Commitment is more than just exclusivity. It's a willingness to invest emotionally, to plan a future together, and to work through challenges as a team. However, for some people, especially those with avoidant attachment styles, the idea of commitment can be frightening. If your romantic partner has avoidant attachment, it will be hard for him to allow himself to enjoy commitment in a relationship. Let's see why that is.
The impact of avoidant attachment on relationships
Avoidant attachment is a psychological term describing a pattern of behavior where individuals push others away or avoid emotional intimacy. This can manifest as hot and cold behavior, leaving you confused and frustrated. If you're dating someone with avoidant attachment, you might find yourself constantly wondering where you stand and how to make him commit.
A lot of women I work with, you don't really want to make someone commit. I assume you feel the same, but you find yourself confused because this person keeps giving you mixed signals. You may also remember initial honeymoon period when he showered you with attention. But, here is the deal. You can't wait for someone to make up his mind forever. You want a healthy relationship now. And why wouldn't you? You are ready to give your all.
But there is a way to what you want.
The bold strategy to make him commit
I'm about to share a bold strategy that might scare you at first, but could transform your love life forever. It's the exact approach my clients use to go from 'Let's see where this goes' to 'I can't imagine my life without you.'
Warning: This isn't for the faint of heart, but if you're ready to take control of your dating life and attract the commitment you deserve, you need to hear this. Stay tuned for the words that will change everything, if you dare to use them of course.
Decode his words, behaviors, and actions
So, what do you do when you really like him and want to make it work, but he's giving you hot and cold vibes? Well, I teach my clients some preliminary strategies that minimize this possibility, but this kind of thing can happen, especially if you're dating someone with an avoidant attachment. If you're already in this situation, stay with me because I'm about to reveal this very powerful strategy.
First, I recommend figuring out the meaning behind his behaviors and words. It can be that he's not interested in anything deeper with you specifically, it may be that he's just not interested in committed relationships in general, or it can be that he is falling in love and he is freaking out although he wants to be with you.
You can figure this out by asking some questions, showing curiosity about his feelings and goals in life if you haven't done this before. Men will usually tell you these things if you listen carefully. Because of insecurity and being blinded by wanting to make it work a lot of women don't pay enough attention to men's words.
I remember, my husband had this belief that marriages ruin relationships, so he didn't want to get married, although he wanted to be with me. This is a common fear for those with avoidant attachment. But don't worry, I'll share how I handled this situation.
Don't take it personally
Here's something important to remember: What matters is that you don't take any of this personally regardless of where he comes from. You two could simply be at different stages in life, and even if he didn't really like you, so what. NEXT! You move on and look for someone who wants what you want, soulful love and commitment.
The important part is to know if he's a little freaked out but deep down wants commitment, or if he's just not ready for the kind of relationship you want. You can figure this out, especially if you don't compromise on what you want. What matters is that you don't sacrifice your needs and desires to just hang out with him and hope that he will change and want the same as you.
The power move to make him commit or let go
So there's one thing that I suggest. It's a little bit scary, and you need to be ready for this. One thing that I suggest to my clients is to go back on the dating scene. Keep him as one of your dates. He loses his place in your life as the only one because you put yourself ahead of him. No more exclusivity.
But you need to be careful how you communicate this. I will tell you exactly how to deliver this, but the mindset behind this is that instead of hoping and waiting, you take care of yourself, and you respect him enough to let him decide what he wants to do.
Personal success story: from avoidant to committed and happy hubby
This is exactly what I did when my, back then, boyfriend and current husband said that he was afraid to get married. Just so you know, once we got married and I mentioned him as "my husband" in a conversation, he said he loved it. So, although he was afraid of it, he actually enjoys a higher level of commitment, intimacy, and closeness.
Now, marriage is my thing. It doesn't need to be yours. I told him I can only feel safe to give my heart fully if we are married. Yes, it's just a piece of paper, but it's important to me. This is very powerful because if you are with an avoidant man, he may love the idea of deep intimacy, but he may be petrified.How to communicate your needs and make him commit
So, let me tell you what I did and how I communicated to him exactly. This is the way to increase security and closeness. It allows you both to grow together towards the next level.
I basically told him that I will have to date other people who are also looking for the same things as I was. Now, if you really like him and think he may be somebody who is freaked out of commitment, you may give him a little time to make his decisions.
That's exactly what I did in my situation. You can ask him how much time he needs to make that decision for himself. You can give him that time and still remain exclusive with him. And then when that time comes up, you can see where he stands and make the decision that is best for you.
The exact words you can modify and use to communicate your need for commitment
If commitment in relationships is important to you, you need to communicate this. How can you express this to him?
I'll tell you exactly what's been effective for me and my clients. You can say, "I really like you, but I respect your desire not to commit. I personally need commitment to give my heart to you. Love is essential for me and I love to love fully. I will have to go and date other people because I know that there are men who want the same as I do. We can still see each other, but we will not be exclusive. I would love it to be you, but if you're not, I don't want you to do something that doesn't align with you. I know that there are so many men who want the same as I do. And I need to go where I will find what I need."
The psychology behind this strategy
Once you show him that you are looking out for yourself, you are in a position of power. Not in the sense that you have power over other people, but rather personal power. You get to be the one who decides what you want and what kind of relationship works for you instead of being at the mercy of his indecision.
So tell me what you think about this. It's a little bit scary, huh? But hey, what do you have to lose? A couple of years with him of self-torture, of push and pull cat-mouse chase games?
Understanding men and commitment
Let me tell you something about men. When he understands that you understand that there are so many men out there that will be stoked to be with you, he sees you in a completely different light. Everything changes. Usually, a lot of men don't want to lose a good woman. They know that there will be men who will be stoked to be with you and give you what you need. So this is the way to allow them to grow to who you need them to be.
It's his decision if he wants to do it. We are not creating projects out of men. Nobody wants that. We don't want to become their mentor or mother figure. So I hope this helps. But, this is just a small part of the relationship puzzle.
Your path to secure, committed love
If you're ready to stop settling and start attracting the committed love you deserve, it's time to take action. I've just shared one powerful strategy to make him commit, but there's so much more to creating a secure, lasting relationship.
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