Understanding Avoidant Men: Effective
Communication for a Stronger Connection
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Have you ever pondered on the thought process of avoidant men? Imagine if they went to therapy. What would their insights reveal about their behavior?
As a high-achieving woman looking for everlasting love, you probably encountered a frustrating scenario where men grow distant after a few dates. But what drives them to avoid, ghost, or ignore your attempts to connect? By examining the inner workings of avoidant men, we might unveil valuable insights into their minds.
After working with many people who struggle with intimacy in their romantic relationship, I have a bit of insight into their mind. But, let's first clarify what avoidant attachment is based on attachment theory.
What is avoidant attachment in relationships?
Avoidant attachment is one of insecure attachment styles characterized by a fear of intimacy and a strong desire for independence. In relationships, men with avoidant attachment may struggle to form deep emotional connections, have difficulty expressing affection, and tend to withdraw when relationships become too intimate. Societal expectations of masculinity can make it challenging for men to address these tendencies and engage in emotionally intimate relationships.
Causes of avoidant attachment in men include early childhood experiences characterized by inconsistent caregiving or neglect, traumatic events including shaming of emotional expression and "neediness," past relationship failures, and societal expectations of masculinity emphasizing independence and emotional restraint. These factors can contribute to a fear of dependence, a desire for self-reliance, and a reluctance to engage in emotionally intimate relationships. When there is a problem within a relationship, avoidant men seek distance from their romantic partners.
Dating an avoidant type can be challenging, especially if you have an anxious attachment and are looking for closeness and emotional intimacy. Not all avoidants are the same. There are some that can be right for you. One thing is sure. You will definitely experience some distancing strategies from an avoidant partner. Let's make sure you understand what's beneath their ghosting.
When he is afraid of strong emotions
"I pull away because I feel confused and don't know what to do when there is a chance of strong emotions being displayed. It's not that I don't care, but sometimes the intensity overwhelms me, leaving me uncertain about how to respond."
When he is afraid of conflict
"I'm afraid of conflict, and in those moments, I tend to go into hiding until things work themselves out. It's not the best approach, I know, but I struggle to confront tense situations. Instead, I retreat and hope for resolution.
I will later send you a cute text and hope that you are in a better mood. It's my way of reaching out and letting you know I care, even if I'm not sure how to handle the emotions at the time. I hope my small gestures make a difference."
When you don't express yourself clearly
"I really don't know how to deal with your unprocessed emotional wounds that you may not even be aware of. Yet, there is an expectation for me to figure it out. It's a struggle to navigate without clear guidance."
When you don't inspire his deeper needs to give
"I really like you, but I don't feel the connection because I just don't feel I can make you happy. Whenever I try to do something nice, you say something like 'Oh, you shouldn't have.' That doesn't inspire me to keep trying. I long for a deeper connection where our efforts are appreciated."
When he feels emotionally unsafe with you because you don't express your needs and boundaries
"You really don't express your needs, desires, or boundaries, so I don't know what to expect. This uncertainty makes me feel a bit emotionally unsafe. Open communication would help me better understand your emotional landscape."
When you don't express your relationship goals
"I really like to be with women who know what they want. It feels simple and easy. Having clarity in a relationship allows for smoother navigation and ensures that both partners are on the same page."
When he is simply not ready for the kind of relationship you are ready for
"Oh, I am really not ready for the kind of relationship you are ready for, so I don't want to waste your time. It's important to acknowledge where we stand individually and respect each other's readiness for commitment."
Should you be dating someone with avoidant attachment style?
Ok, let's understand each other. None of us is perfect, and many of us have an insecure attachment style. If you are attracted to avoidant men most of the time, it's possible that you may have an anxious attachment. It's fine because you can become securely attached. It's all in your power.When considering if someone is right for you, you need to know how to court and communicate with them in the ways that don't trigger both of yours' insecurities. You need to know how to stand up for yourself, and also you need to know how to empower your partner to meet your needs instead of making him feel attacked. Communication in romantic relationships is the most valuable tools. It can help you build strong emotional bond and also figure out if someone is right for you.
So, you need to take some time to discern while utilizing good communication. If you need some help with it, you can download my Captivating Communication Scripts, which will help you inspire him to be more consistent in his courtship. My clients that use them report their partners changing drastically.
Women who use my communication techniques never need to wonder where the relationship is going, does he care about me, etc.
Steps to a healthier love life when meeting avoidant men
Of course, avoidant men often have their own unresolved emotional issues they haven't faced. However, focusing on your emotional well-being is vital before expecting a potential partner to do the same. So, what does it take for you to "clean the house" in your love life?
When you recognize anxious attachment tendencies and seek love and validation incessantly, it's time for a change. Consider these transformational steps:
Unleashing the power of Captivating Communication even if you are with an avoidant man
Transform your relationships by embracing your inner power and taking control of your love life. Access the Captivating Communication scripts now and pave the way to a brighter romantic future.
Do you want him to pursue you regularly?
Download my Captivating Communication Scripts that will help you inspire him to step up and do the work you need him to do.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked