How to Know if Someone Is Right for You When You Date

How to Know if Someone Is Right for You for a Long Term Relationship

I’m about to tell you how to know if someone is right for you for a long term relationship. 

Most women that I work with struggle because they don’t have enough faith in themselves that they can make good choices for long term relationship happiness. But, the problems are much deeper than that. 

Listen to the audio version of this article 

Three mistakes that don’t allow you to figure out who’s good for you in a long term relationship

There are three mistakes that women make that don’t allow them to figure out who’s good for them.

  • First, they are not aware of what they need to be happy in a long-term relationship. How are you supposed to figure out who’s good for you if you don’t know what your needs are and what would make you happy? It’s understandable because most women are raised to be focused on others’s happiness not their own.
  • Then, they often allow themselves to “fall in love” with the first guy that they have the initial connection with without taking time to figure out if this is a good match for them for a long term relationship. In other words, they just hope it will work and that old connection will be there again one day. 
  • Finally, they wind up staying in the relationship in which they try to make it work even when they are unhappy.

What happens if you don’t know how to choose well when dating

how to know if someone is right for you

All this leads to a lot of suffering. Because of this, many women wind up in situationships, or relationships that go nowhere with a partner that can’t make them happy even if they try. After some time, many break up and find themselves exhausted with diminishing hope that love and relationships can be happy and potentially easy. Then they become reluctant to date fearing another heartbreak. Many create even more limiting beliefs about themselves, love, men, and life. For instance, “love is only for the lucky ones,” or “all good men are taken.”


Think of how much more difficult things become because of these beliefs. So, it’s very important to figure out how to recognize who’s right for you to avoid wasting so much time and causing yourself so much struggle. 

So, before you give your heart to the first breathing somewhat cute human, you need to see if you two can be happy together in a long term relationship.

Why check lists won't do

This is something that I teach in the Right Partner Radar, which is just one of the steps of my Secure Love Creator’s Framework. There are several important things to consider when making choices in the partner. I will not talk about the most obvious ones. You have to be attracted to this person, and you need to want a similar lifestyle. For instance, it wouldn’t be right if you wanted to live in a city and he wants to raise alpacas in the Andes. Right? So, this is the easy part. 

But, you shouldn’t be stuck on the checklists only if you want to know if someone is right for you. Yes, have some standards that are absolute deal breakers and things that are important to you. However, many women miss one important aspect. It is considering how they feel when with this person. It goes back to not knowing what makes them happy. Many women don’t feel their feelings.

They don’t pause to examine this. Many are enamored by the initial connection and very soon they start overfunctioning to keep the relationship going even when they are not happy in it. We've seen so many beautiful couples seemingly perfect match for each other divorcing within couple of years because they never took time to figure out what they need to feel to be happy in a relationship. 

So, how should you feel in a relationship with someone if you want to have a long term healthy relationship?

How to know if someone is right for you—three feel good signs

I hope I convinced you that if you want to find the right person, you can't only look at superficial compatibilities, such as demographics, age, culture, similar life style, and so on. Don't get me wrong, these things are important and you should consider them and check them off. But, if you want to know if someone is right for you without a doubt, you need to be in touch with your feelings and know what it is that makes YOU happy. This is the only way that you can give your love fully without future resentment.

how to know if someone is right for you

1. You should feel the gradual growth of mutual affection

As the relationship progresses, you two feel more and more attracted and attached to each other. I know many women are so attracted to the initial "fatal" attraction and connection during the honeymoon phase of dating, but that initial attraction can be trauma bond. Regardless, you need to take your time to see if that initial attraction leads to something more substantial.  

2. You should feel secure, not an emotional roller coaster

Feeling secure is something that is missing for so many women.  Many feel anxious and confused about where the relationship is going.  If he is right for you, he will want you to feel secure and certain. You too need to know how it feels to love, be loved and feel secure in that relationship. You can go back to some of your old relationships with people that loved you unconditionally, such as parents, grandparents, relatives, friends, and so on. This can be your guide to know how a healthy relationship feels.

3. He will be consistent in his efforts in courting you

You will not need to feel confused about where you stand in the relationship with him. You will know. When a man wants you, he will do everything to get you. I’m talking about quality, relationship ready men. Ask yourself a question, " Do I feel secure or do I feel confused about where the relationship is going?"

If you don't feel secure, identify what behaviors from him are missing. Once you identify his behaviors that are not making you feel warm and fuzzy, you can communicate with him. How he responds to your communication will tell you if the person is right for you. For instance, is he affectionate or does he try to evade the discussion? That's a major red flag.

Need more help in figuring out how to make good choices when dating?

So, what do you think about these criteria? Do you have any of your own to add? If you need help figuring out who relationship ready men are and who’s right for you, apply to be considered to work with me.

Is relationship coaching right for you? 

I offer online relationship coaching for high achieving women interested in sincere high quality men, men ready to give you their heart. 

 free download 

Get Immediate Access to Dating Confidence Tips!

Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?

You will also get two bonus courses:

Challenge Your Accidental Singledom AssumptionsLearn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want

Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked

Read more about dating and relationships 

Six Tips for Attracting Men Who Want Real Love
Six Tips for Attracting Men Who Want Real Love In a world where finding real love can often feel like finding[...]
Navigating the Dating World: Triumphing as a Successful Woman
Navigating the Dating World: Triumphing as a Successful Woman Listen to the audio version of this article  When a woman[...]
Understanding Avoidant Men: Effective Communication for a Stronger Connection
Understanding Avoidant Men: Effective  Communication for a Stronger Connection Listen to the audio version of this article  Have you ever[...]
Limiting Beliefs About Love: “Relationship Should Occur Naturally” Is the Biggest Lie that Keeps You Single and Powerless
Limiting Beliefs About Love: "Relationship Should Occur Naturally" Is the Biggest Lie that Keeps You Single and Powerless When it[...]
Is Saying It “As Is” Really the Best Way to Communicate Your Needs in Relationships
Is Saying It “As Is” Really the Best Way to Communicate Your Needs in Relationships Communication in relationships is one[...]
Thinking That Men Are Afraid of High Achieving Women May Be What Keeps You Single
Thinking That Men Are Afraid of High Achieving Women May Be What Keeps You Single If you are a high-achieving[...]
Is Playing Hard to Get the Best Way to Attract Relationship-Ready Men
Is Playing Hard to Get the Best Way to Attract Relationship-Ready Men Listen to the audio version of this article [...]
How to Know if Someone Is Right for You for a Long Term Relationship
How to Know if Someone Is Right for You for a Long Term Relationship I’m about to tell you how[...]
Insert Content Template or Symbol
Insert Content Template or Symbol
Spread the Word

About the Author

I'm dedicated to guiding women from feeling confused and frustrated to feeling competent and joyful when it comes to matters of love and romance.

>