How to Know if Someone Is Right for You for a Long Term Relationship
I’m about to tell you how to know if someone is right for you for a long term relationship.
Most women that I work with struggle because they don’t have enough faith in themselves that they can make good choices for long term relationship happiness. But, the problems are much deeper than that.
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Three mistakes that don’t allow you to figure out who’s good for you in a long term relationship
There are three mistakes that women make that don’t allow them to figure out who’s good for them.
What happens if you don’t know how to choose well when dating
All this leads to a lot of suffering. Because of this, many women wind up in situationships, or relationships that go nowhere with a partner that can’t make them happy even if they try. After some time, many break up and find themselves exhausted with diminishing hope that love and relationships can be happy and potentially easy. Then they become reluctant to date fearing another heartbreak. Many create even more limiting beliefs about themselves, love, men, and life. For instance, “love is only for the lucky ones,” or “all good men are taken.”
Think of how much more difficult things become because of these beliefs. So, it’s very important to figure out how to recognize who’s right for you to avoid wasting so much time and causing yourself so much struggle.
So, before you give your heart to the first breathing somewhat cute human, you need to see if you two can be happy together in a long term relationship.
Why check lists won't do
This is something that I teach in the Right Partner Radar, which is just one of the steps of my Secure Love Creator’s Framework. There are several important things to consider when making choices in the partner. I will not talk about the most obvious ones. You have to be attracted to this person, and you need to want a similar lifestyle. For instance, it wouldn’t be right if you wanted to live in a city and he wants to raise alpacas in the Andes. Right? So, this is the easy part.
But, you shouldn’t be stuck on the checklists only if you want to know if someone is right for you. Yes, have some standards that are absolute deal breakers and things that are important to you. However, many women miss one important aspect. It is considering how they feel when with this person. It goes back to not knowing what makes them happy. Many women don’t feel their feelings.
They don’t pause to examine this. Many are enamored by the initial connection and very soon they start overfunctioning to keep the relationship going even when they are not happy in it. We've seen so many beautiful couples seemingly perfect match for each other divorcing within couple of years because they never took time to figure out what they need to feel to be happy in a relationship.
So, how should you feel in a relationship with someone if you want to have a long term healthy relationship?
How to know if someone is right for you—three feel good signs
I hope I convinced you that if you want to find the right person, you can't only look at superficial compatibilities, such as demographics, age, culture, similar life style, and so on. Don't get me wrong, these things are important and you should consider them and check them off. But, if you want to know if someone is right for you without a doubt, you need to be in touch with your feelings and know what it is that makes YOU happy. This is the only way that you can give your love fully without future resentment.
1. You should feel the gradual growth of mutual affection
As the relationship progresses, you two feel more and more attracted and attached to each other. I know many women are so attracted to the initial "fatal" attraction and connection during the honeymoon phase of dating, but that initial attraction can be trauma bond. Regardless, you need to take your time to see if that initial attraction leads to something more substantial.
2. You should feel secure, not an emotional roller coaster
Feeling secure is something that is missing for so many women. Many feel anxious and confused about where the relationship is going. If he is right for you, he will want you to feel secure and certain. You too need to know how it feels to love, be loved and feel secure in that relationship. You can go back to some of your old relationships with people that loved you unconditionally, such as parents, grandparents, relatives, friends, and so on. This can be your guide to know how a healthy relationship feels.
3. He will be consistent in his efforts in courting you
You will not need to feel confused about where you stand in the relationship with him. You will know. When a man wants you, he will do everything to get you. I’m talking about quality, relationship ready men. Ask yourself a question, " Do I feel secure or do I feel confused about where the relationship is going?"
If you don't feel secure, identify what behaviors from him are missing. Once you identify his behaviors that are not making you feel warm and fuzzy, you can communicate with him. How he responds to your communication will tell you if the person is right for you. For instance, is he affectionate or does he try to evade the discussion? That's a major red flag.
Need more help in figuring out how to make good choices when dating?
So, what do you think about these criteria? Do you have any of your own to add? If you need help figuring out who relationship ready men are and who’s right for you, apply to be considered to work with me.
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