Love is the beginning and the end of our quest in life. Some people do great things out of love, and some people struggle in fear of it. Romantic love brings up these fears in the bravest of us. Anxiety can perpetuate those fears and many misconceptions about love. These misconceptions can cause us to stay single or struggle in relationships. What are some of the myths and misconceptions about love?
Misconceptions about love perpetuate fears
MYTH 1: Only beautiful and young “hot” women can find love.
Although it's true that men are visual beings and they appreciate beauty just like we women do, it's not true that that's what they are all about. They also like companionship and enjoying good times together. You may attract men with your looks, intelligence, kindness, or the way you carry yourself.
How you carry yourself and your overall attractiveness also depends on the level of your growth, where you are with your self-confidence and what you are looking for.
For instance, you will be miserable if you seek men that are only attracted to superficial qualities. No matter how attractive you are, there will always be someone who’s prettier, smarter, younger, etc. You will never be happy in this situation. But, believe it or not, many men are looking for a genuine emotional connection with a partner.
Why are we prone to comparing ourselves
I resent that I have to compare women based on looks in this article. Remember we are such complex and beautiful beings. Unfortunately, we don’t know it deep down inside. We may observe this and notice, “Right, I’m gorgeous, smart, attractive, capable, accomplished, but somehow we don’t feel it inside. We often feel we lack in some ways. Due to our upbringing, we feel that we are not good enough.
How to deal with this myth
Remember that most men are good humans
They love their moms, puppies, nieces, nephews, etc. Remember that men too want the full experience of partnership. That means they want a partner who will love them and who will be open to their love. Of course, what matters is to find the right man, the one who has this mindset, the one who appreciates you for all that you have to offer.
Keep in mind that what you have to offer is precious for the right person
Remember that you have a lot to offer. Your heart is the most valuable offering besides all of other good qualities, such as looks, smarts, etc. The fact that you want deep emotional connection may reduce the pool of your adequate suitors, but this just means that you have high standards. And, that's perfect for the right suitor.
Remember that you are the one who is selecting and allowing him to show you that he is worthy of your heart
Instead of positioning yourself as someone who needs to prove yourself to him, switch the roles. Position yourself as someone who is interviewing suitors for the position of the lifetime, someone who deserves your heart and love.
MYTH 2: Men are intimidated by smart women
This misconception about love serves as an excuse for many modern women. As it may be true for some men, intelligent men actually enjoy connecting with you on an intellectual level. The problem occurs when you don’t get to connect with him emotionally. In this instance, men may lose interest and not even know why. And you will feel confused and not understand what happened. Analyzing this intellectually, won't help you get the answers.
Why do we struggle to connect emotionally with men
We have difficulty connecting with ourselves emotionally. When we neglect ourselves and our needs, we may not be in touch with our emotions. We operate well intellectually and continue functioning well at work, but we avoid feeling our feelings. Thus, we naturally have trouble connecting with men emotionally. The reason for this may be that we learned to focus on our intellectual skills.
Also, some early trauma may cause us to "live in our heads" even if we don't remember horrific events. If we don't deal with this and let it continue for too long, we deny ourselves to experience joy in life.
Another reason that makes it hard to connect emotionally is that we learn to attune to others instead of to ourselves. The consequence of this may be that we are often not aware of our own needs. We adjust and empathize with others, which sometimes leads to neglecting our personal needs. Understanding your emotions can lead to empowerment.
How to connect with a man emotionally
Allow him to please you
Be aware that good men like to make women happy. I'll repeat, "Good men love to make women (and others) happy." They are natural givers, and they are stoked when they do something that pleases you. This doesn't mean that you need to be needy or demanding. This only means that you can express your needs, wishes, dreams, and wants. Thus you can give him the opportunity to get to know you a bit better. You allow him to think of you and about how he will please you. Don't you enjoy when others are happy? Allow your partner or potential date to experience the same joy.
Let yourself be a bit vulnerable. If something doesn't sit well with you, don't stay silent. You can express it without expectations. Focus on your feelings instead of analyzing his behaviors. How do his actions make you feel? Asking yourself this question will help you communicate from the heart instead of coming off as judgemental when expressing yourself.
Show him that you have high standards
Expressing yourself openly will allow him to see your depth and the fact that you love and care about yourself. It also communicates that you have high standards for how you like to be treated. Allow him to reflect and make it better for you.
MYTH 3: Good things come to those who wait
This is one of the greatest misconceptions about love that keeps many women waiting for a prince to appear in their life. Well, I don’t mean to say that you should be impatient, but if you have a notion that you can sit in a room on top of the tower and file your nails waiting for a prince to get you from there, this won’t happen. The prince doesn’t know that you exist or that you are interested in him when you are locked up in the tower.
Why are we passive about love, such an essential aspect of our life
They raised us to be passive and wait. We learned that we have to prove ourselves worthy of being selected. We started competing with other women. This mindset is disempowering. Instead of going for what we want, we are compelled to wait for a good man to come to us. He may not even be aware of our interest. What are the chances that a right man will just enter into your life? Not so good.
How to increase your chances of finding the right partner
You’ve got to own your life and go and get him.
When I say this, I don’t mean you are desperate for one particular man, but instead, go and show him interest. What matters is that you take some charge and drop the handkerchief next to one of the right men. You are not telling him, " I want to marry you." All you are saying is “I’m giving you a chance to show me if you can be the one.”
Have fun. Tell that guy, “I’m looking for a love of my life.” Make him work for it. Without saying it, you are asking “Do you think you can be that man.” This playful interaction gives him a challenge. Men like it.
Date more than one man
Don't think that there is only one right partner for you. Date more than one man that fits your necessary criteria. Let them all show you that they are worthy of your heart. You are in the position of power, and you are the one who gives the green light to men to pursue you.
Don't have an agenda when going out. You are going out to meet and get to know this guy. It could turn out to be a good date or lousy one. So, you can enjoy a good dinner or be preparing a funny story to tell to your friends. Your goal is to have fun and meet people.
MYTH 4: All good men are taken
This is one of the misconceptions about love that diverts responsibility from us onto the men. The fact is that there are so many single men that are interested in the real deal.
What's the problem then? We women may struggle with many issues that don't allow us to be ready for the real relationship. This keeps us from meeting the men that would make us happy.
Why do we feel this scarcity of eligible men
The problem is that you are interested in men that are not good for you. You may seek men that are not emotionally available or who are incompatible with you. We often tend to repeat these patterns until we address it and work through it. Once we heal, we see the situation in a different light.
How to change this feeling of scarcity
If you repeat this pattern of being attracted to partners that are wrong for you, you should consider relationship counseling. Body-mind oriented therapy can be beneficial in dealing with old wounds from your family of origin or previous relationships. This work helps you heal and feel empowered to change your negative patterns in love life.
Beautifully written and I cannot agree more. I have seen myself be guilty of all of these at different points in my life. I think operating from a place of fear definitely holds us back from ultimately getting what we want and deserve. I also think the biggest issue for most women revolves around the myth that men are visual and don’t care about anything else which can be a way of just avoiding intimacy and vulnerability (for those women who operate under this belief). Thanks for sharing your thoughts
Thank you Jessica. I totally see what you are saying regarding men being visual. Women are very sensitive. I also want to add that women think much less of themselves in terms of beauty than what they really are and how men see them.
I love this! Practical and dispelling the same old myths I hear time and again. Thank you!!
Thank you Chris
Thanks for demystifying the myths that we keep telling ourselves. I believe every change starts from awareness.
Wow you really spell out a lot of myths so clearly and to the point. It is always good to be open and honest in showing who we are when it comes to dating and relationships. At the same time though, it is scary to let our guard down for fear of getting hurt. However this is a universal struggle all women face and men too for that matter 🙂 Great article!