Learn to Gradually Trust Men
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
One of my dear readers asked me "How do I change the survivor mentality to acceptance that all men ain't the same?" What she's asking here is, how can I learn to trust men again. How can I believe that there are some good men that will not hurt me?
Besides being hurt, we also get so many messages from our mom or grandma. There are various kinds of messages that we get. You've probably heard that all men are the same
For instance, in my family, they would say, "Oh, all men are after only one thing." Or they would say that if you go with a man right away and don't make him wait and ask you out five times, then they're going to think you are easy.
So, imagine, how these messages affect our senses of self-confidence. What do we have to offer to another human being? Is our value only related to holding out on our sexuality and maintaining our good looks? It just makes sense that we develop limiting beliefs about ourselves, love, relationships, men, etc.
It's important to understand that all this narrative was designed by a patriarchal system to keep us disempowered and to control our sexuality. So that naturally creates this mistrust in men and struggle to accept love and wondering at the end if we are even worthy of love.
Why Is It Important to Learn to Trust Men Again
So why is it important that you figure this out? Because if you're still yearning for love, or being with a man in a relationship, if you don't change this kind of mindset, you will be attracted and still attract people that are not good for you.
These experiences will basically confirm that you can't trust men. And after some time you will become completely disheartened and become more bitter. So today, I want to tell you about how to change this mentality, and how you can trust men in a relationship.
Learning to Trust Men Again Will Require You to Face Your Past and Fears
How can we learn to trust men after we've been hurt in the past? How can we change the mentality of being in that in that survival mode of protecting ourselves?
What's important to remember is that we learned not to trust men and it was actually smart thing to do at some point of our life. This helped us survive and perhaps avoid making bad choices when it comes to partners. We learned to be skeptical.
You need to remind yourself that you were a badass protector of your heart. These survival skills helped you manage and create a good peaceful life for yourself. But the times have changed. You want something else. Perhaps. you think that it would be nice to have a partner.
Now maybe you are ready to dip your toes in the dating pool, but you fears are popping up. You see so many weird stories about relationships.
And you remember your own past and wonder how you are going to trust men when in the past you gave your best to some of your relationships, and things still didn't work out for you. Perhaps you tried everything, and he still betrayed you. So let's talk about what kind of mindset you need to have.
Mindset Shifts That Will Help You Overcome Trust Issues With Men
First, you need to have self-compassion and understand that it was great that you don't trust men as you've experienced some hard times with them.
You Should Be More Confident About Your Judgement
On the other hand, I want you to remember that you are not the same person as you were when you were a wide-eyed, 15 year old who just wanted love and who just wanted to make it work with this one guy. You are a woman in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties...
So, you have experience under your belt. So you can be more confident about your ability to choose the right partner. The best that you can do is to get to know them, and then you're going to see those red or green flags. You have that ability to make a better choice for yourself now, and you know what to look for.
Once you start dating, it will become clear to you how badass you are. Just be confident and know you're more experienced and know how to detect BS.
You Can Always Set Better Boundaries
The second thing that you need to remember is that as you get to know this particular person, you can always set boundaries and pace of the relationship. You can take it as slow as you want. Let's see what he has to say to that. His reaction will tell you everything. It will help you rebuild trust in men or you will just decide, "I can't trust this one." Let him prove himself to you.
You can always set boundaries at every step. Relationships aren't like all or none. Don't think in black and white terms, "I'm either successful or I'm not." It doesn't mean that you failed if it didn't work with this particular guy.
You're just getting to know people and as you do gradually, you can then determine, "Oh, this is working for me," or this is not working for me. And then you can always communicate your needs and see how he responds to your needs and boundaries.
Learn to Communicate from Self-Love
In my course Self-Love Revolution Express Your Feelings and Capture His Heart, I teach you to communicate in the ways that will attract the right kinds of men to you. Not only that, but you can also learn how to communicate from self-love. That's when magic starts happening. That's when your partner becomes enamored by you.
Your feelings are the path to a man's heart. Expressing your feelings and your needs helps you see who's right partner for you based on how he responds to you. That's when you can start trusting men again.
Being in touch with your feelings will also help you set better boundaries. When you set your boundaries, you can determine if he can respect them. That's how you know if you can trust him.
Setting your boundaries is a great way to figure out who's right and who's not right for you. And if they're not, well, "Sorry it didn't work out. You're not a bad guy, just not what I'm looking for." This is how you learn to trust men again.
If you really think about it, learning how to overcome trust issues with men isn't about men. You already know that there are various types of men. It's actually more about allowing yourself to relax and enjoy while allowing them to prove to you what they are made of. It's about trusting yourself that you will choose the right partner and set adequate boundaries.
So, honoring your process and accepting that not trusting was an important skill for you is the first step. Then being more confident about your ability to recognize who's good for you and remembering that you can always set good boundaries, is another layer of mindset shift that you need in order to start learning how to trust men again.
The best thing is to pace yourself. Take it slowly with dating and relationships. Enjoy and relish those moments when he is courting you. Appreciate that time and don't rush it to seal the deal, as some people would say.
Taking your time will help you determine if the men you are meeting are worthy of your trust. Essentially, you will give it enough time to see how he handles different situations. You have to remember that at the beginning most people show you their best selves.
What happens when things go awry, when your car breaks down, or you wake up grumpy with messy hair? How will he react? Will he rush to help you and protect you when needed. Seeing him in both fun and difficult situations will help you determine if you can trust him.
The second advice I have is to date more people. Remember, dating isn't a relationship. Doing so will help you discern if he is right for you because you allow yourself time to feel how it may be in relationship with them.
You may observe, "Oh, I like how he treats me, or "Oh, that makes me feel a little icky," depending on the situation. Thus you can then determine how a potential relationship would be with them. You're dating different guys. You're just getting to know them, and when you get to know them, you can trust them.
If you date only one man, then you wind up clouding your judgement and trying to make it work instead of discerning who's right for you.
And even if you don't fall in love with them right away, give them a chance, just get a sense of what it feels to be in their company. How does it feel when they text you regularly? How does it feel when another guy doesn't text you? So just see what works for you. Use it as an experiment and figure out what makes you feel safe to trust men again.
One more important thing. When you're dating, focus on what they have to bring to the table. Don't think, "Do they like me? Am I pretty enough?" You are who you are, and if they are with you, they already like you. They know what you look like, how you sound, they met you maybe whether it's like video chat first, whatever type of dating you are using.
Then focus on figuring out what they have to bring to the table. Just get a sense of how it feels to be in their company and then determine gradually if you can trust them enough to take it to the next level.
If you are looking to create magical attraction with an amazing man, you need to know how to express your feelings and needs. Your feelings are the path to his heart.
Learn how to process and express your emotions. I created a course just for that. Self-Love Revolution-Express Your Feelings and Capture His Heart course will help you learn how to communicate with your partner in the ways that will deepen your bond.
Learn how to express your needs and boundaries in the ways that will make your partner feel empowered to make you happy and protect you instead of making him defensive. Your anger is the key to your deeper emotions. Once you become aware of them, you can communicate much more effectively.
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