Individual Therapy Divorce Recovery-Agoura Hills

Figuring out your deep soul’s desire is the first step towards healing.

Divorce leaves us with diminished sense of self, which often leads to despair. This presentation can help you get going through difficult times.  Get  How to Manage When You Don’t Feel Like Managing for free.

From Despair to Hope Through Individual Therapy 

Are you going through divorce or is it already over? Has he initiated it, or are you the one who felt you needed to do it? Regardless, you must be going through hard times right now. You’ve spent many years together, and you tried to be the best wife possible. You’ve juggled kids, work, household, marriage, and now you have to adapt to the new identity of being single.

There must be so much grief and sadness that you feel right now. Do you wonder if you will ever be able to get over this? Are you in a place where you feel like you don’t even want to try? Do you ask yourself, “What’s the point?” You may feel discouraged to even nurture some hope.

You are not alone in feeling this way. We all go through similar feelings when life brings hard knocks. Divorce is one of the most difficult challenges in life.  But, you know what else? Even though it doesn’t seem to you at this point, you are able to create your life exactly how you want from here. You know that whatever you put your mind to and when you work diligently on it, you can accomplish amazing things. You’ve already done so many amazing things in life. Right now, you probably don’t have such confidence, and you may have mixed feelings regarding what you want in life.

You may wonder if everything is fake. You may ask if truly happy people really exist?  Of course, they do, and you can be one of them although you don’t see it this way right now. These people were not just born so happy. They’ve had life challenges, feelings of despair, and wondered just like you are wondering right now.


What’s next for you?

This is an important question that only you can answer. It’s not easy. Living unhappily may be easier to manage, but you are reading this because you don’t want to live an unhappy life.  You can choose to continue living on autopilot, working hard, taking care business, while you are empty inside. Or, you can take on a path of healing and discovering how you can create a fulfilling life for yourself.

The first step is getting in touch with yourself and figuring out what you truly want. This takes some exploration, getting to know your values, what makes you happy, and what’s something that you may be doing just because you are expected to do it. Regardless of our spiritual or religious view, we are in charge of our life and we are free to determine how we want to live, and what values we want to strive for. What would truly make you happy? What’s your soul’s calling? What is it you’ve always dreamed of? Do you remember it, or did striving to reach your career goals, working hard, accomplishing things, or making sure others are happy make you forget it?

Living according to our values and our heart’s calling leads to feeling more fulfilled and satisfied.  Our upbringing often does not allow us to do this. We were raised to follow traditions and live our lives according to expectations from our family, community, or culture. We, women, are especially raised to avoid “ruffling others’ feathers,” but instead to comply with expectations. Divorce is a gift that can help us sort this out. It all depends on what you do with this current situation. What do you want to do? How do you want to live your life? These are good questions.

But for now, before you get to the existential questions, you are grieving, and you need to take care of yourself. Once you are out of crises, you can start the next process. The first step in working with me is addressing this immediate crisis and helping you get going with daily life. You may be plagued with depression or anxiety, which often occur when some difficult moment like divorce happens. I utilize mindfulness in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy and somatic processing to help you focus on the present, become aware of your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations, and to replace those self-deprecating uncompassionate thoughts that run the show in our heads and lead us to feel down.


Moving On 

Once you have completed basic healing, and figure out your soul’s yearning, you can create a new meaning and make a choice to live life better than ever before. This process is exciting, and this is when things become easier.  You will enliven just by remembering and talking about your true values. Side effects of this process are usually, increased joy, peace, and enthusiasm. For instance, you may naturally start losing weight just because, food may not be your crutch for fulfillment.

Relationship with your children can usually improve because they see you as strong, and they may start respecting you more. They may have blamed you for the divorce, and it must be very hard. The relationship with your ex can be so much easier because you are content within yourself. Moreover, you may be able to appreciate him on all different level regardless of understanding that he is not a good partner for you. One of the signs that we healed from break ups and divorce is that we can see both positive and negative sides of our ex.

Unpleasant,  But Liberating and Empowering Truth Sets Us Free–It Allows Us to Work on Creating the Life We Want 

Another important aspect of divorce recovery is recognizing what went wrong. Most importantly, acknowledging what you contributed to the dysfunction in your marriage helps you move on and create better relationships in the future. Those relationships can be with yourself or with future romantic partners. You’ve probably done so many things to make your marriage better, but there are some choices that led you to struggle in life.  Maybe you tolerated too much from him? Maybe you didn’t speak up for yourself. It could also be that you’ve chosen the wrong man to start with because you were not in touch with your true values for instance. Often when we are young, we have a concept of how life should be based on traditions or what we were told by the media. This is based on the fact that you didn’t know yourself well. It can also be that you just grew apart and that values you thought were important are not important at this point in your life. Once you are clear with these issues, you can make better decisions that will make you truly happy, and not just be looking happy for people on the outside. The truth will set you free and empower you. For instance, when you realize that he just isn’t a man who will love you in the way you need to be loved, you will be more peaceful rather than trying to make him change.

From this place, a place of the truth, you can go anywhere. It takes some serious guts to see these truths, but when we are able to do it, it helps us become more confident and go after what we really desire and deserve. Have you always dreamed of having a deep, loving relationship? Or, are you more of an independent spirit that enjoys the freedom to be able to meet many new people? Or, are you happy to be by yourself at the moment, but are open to relationships in the future? At this point, you are the one who makes these decisions. From here you can go in any direction that you desire. I can help you get here with individual therapy, different workshops, and equine groups.

I would love to hear your story and see what journey you want to undertake.

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