Why You May Be Stuck in The Paradoxical Overfunctioning Cycle in Relationships
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Are you a high-achieving woman looking for love who is stuck in The Paradoxical Overfunctioning Cycle in Relationships? OMG, you wonder what I’m talking about, huh? Let me explain.
I see so many women struggling with this. Consider this:
You yearn to prove yourself worthy of love to people that don’t have capacity to love you in the ways you need, so you wind up overfunctioning to make it happen.
You forget that what you ultimately crave is to love and be loved just because you are you...
This is The Paradoxical Overfunctioning Cycle in Relationships. It's paradoxical because it works against you.
Signs you may be overfunctioning in relationships
There are many aspects of this behavior, but here are some of them that are specific to dating and relationships, especially related to high achieving women.
Let's look at some of the signs.
Reasons for overfunctioning in romantic relationships
I want you to know that overfunctioning is not your fault, and it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you because you become an over functioning person in relationships. These behaviors were the best responses that helped you survive a difficult environment in your childhood. It just makes sense that you continue this if you find yourself in a romantic relationship. Romantic relationships are the most triggering life situations that awaken our old wounds and these old survival strategies become even stronger. What are some of the potential scenarios that caused you to overfunction in relationships?
Consequences in relationships
There are many other ways in which you can adopt overfunctioning as a survival strategy and relationship management in your family of origin. Of course, all this may cause you to wind up in an overfunctioning-underfunctioning relationship dynamic. You choose an underfunctioning partner and the partner chooses you as an overfunctioner. It's all because you two find comfort in a familiar situation, which doesn't prevent you from becoming resentful because you feel that you always need to take responsibility for the relationship to move forward.
What are the most common mistakes in a relationship you make as an overfunctioner?
As someone who is an overfunctioner, you may think that you can find love, which will be better than what you've got in your family of origin. But, your neurological makeup is already wired to overfunction to maintain relationships. So here are some mistakes that most overfunctioning love seekers make.
You allow yourself to attach too quickly
Once you meet a cute breathing human, you become emotionally dependent to him. This situation becomes like a life or death situation, especially when you start feeling like you are on a deserted island with only one man left. Hence, you begin to start to become overly strict to him, even if you are still just dating. It just makes sense that you over function.
You may lack understanding and dating relationship stage
If you are like many other overfunctioning love seekers, you most likely wind up trying to make the relationship work with someone you don’t even know well. Then, when things don’t work out, you wind up staying in the relationship just because your partner gives you small crumbs of what you actually need. Then you wind up trying to change your partner, hoping he will get how much you love him and, therefore, he’ll love you back. Some women wind up even forcing their partners to go to therapy.
You don't learn how to understand and communicate your own needs
As already described many overfunctioning love seekers struggle to know their needs. In addition they don't learn to communicate their own needs. Naturally, you develop resentment about not having your needs met in relationships. Your partner will feel this resentment and naturally feel under attack by you. Your partner will naturally underfunction due to giving up on trying to make you happy.
Being stuck in an overfunctioning-underfunctioning relationship will not be satisfactory to either partner.
These are just some examples of mistakes that overfunctioning love seekers make, but what can you do to stop overfunctioning in relationships?
What can you do to stop overfunctioning in relationships
Oh, this requires a book, but I don't want to overwhelm you in a simple blog post. I will just give you a few tips that you can already start using in your relationship or when you date.
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