Secure Love Is Possible Even if Haven't Felt Secure in Love Before

How High-Achieving Women Can Become Secure in Love in Three Phases

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What does it take to be happy and secure in love? Why is it that for some women it’s such an easy thing, while others are taking courses, reading books, or going to therapy without much success? Could it be that those other women are more attractive, or less successful in their careers? Many high achieving women think that their career success is responsible for their struggles when it comes to love and relationships. Let me tell you, it’s not what it is.

If you are like most of my clients, you may have an anxious attachment style. Because you feel anxious in your intimate relationship, you wind up overfunctioning. This means that you try to maintain the relationship even if you feel completely exhausted and unhappy in it. Most overfunctioning love seekers feel that it is their responsibility to maintain a happy relationship. Let me show you how other high-achieving women transition from being Overfunctioning Love Seekers to Secure Love Creators and enjoy their relationships with quality men that appreciate and cherish them.

Three Phases to Secure Attachment Style from Overfunctioning Love Seeker to Becoming Secure Love Creator

Overfunctioning Love Seekers

secure in love

Overfunctioning Love Seekers are the most of my clients when I just meet them. They are unaware of their self-sabotaging limiting beliefs that prevent them from creating attraction and long-term connection with quality men. In addition, they are ashamed to express their needs because growing up they learned that their needs didn’t matter. They also don't really know what makes them truly happy because they adopt the standard traditions that come from their family, society, or media. 

When they date, they experience a great connection with someone at the beginning, but then this turns to anxiety and overfunctioning as soon as they start falling in love.

Self-Aware Hopeful Muses

Once they do some work, they become Self-Aware Hopeful Muses. What do they gain from going through the first stage of the Secure Love Creator Program, Self-Love Evolution?


They learn to appreciate their value and understand  what they want from love, relationships, or partners.  One of the most important things is that Self-Aware Muses are aware of their self-sabotaging patterns. They relish their beauty and understand that they are enough and they don’t need to change internally to get love. Of course, trauma or limiting beliefs can still strike, but they know how to manage it in ways that don’t affect their communication  and relationships extremely negatively. 

secure in love


 Self-Aware Hopeful Muses still struggle when they start dating because they don’t know how to date to avoid attaching too quickly. When this happens, their ability to create attraction and bond with their partner becomes compromised. 

Muses may wind up in relationships that go nowhere because they don’t know how to transition from dating to commitment.

Powerful Love Goddesses

secure in love

When my clients complete Masterful Dating, the second phase of Secure Love Creator framework, I call them Powerful Love Goddesses. What is it that makes them so powerful?


Powerful Love Goddesses know how to create powerful attraction and connection with men and how to determine who’s right for them. Powerful love Goddesses don’t waste their time convincing or changing men that are not right for them. They also know how to transition from dating to a committed relationship with a man that they are thrilled about, quality men who are also thrilled to be in relationships with these women. The main characteristic of Powerful Love Goddesses is that they know that there are more than one man who would be stoked to have her heart. These goddesses take their time to discern before committing. 


Even these goddesses struggle at times. They may doubt their relationships, and they may not understand their partners deep down. This causes them to still be stuck in feeling victimized when arguing. They may be afraid of arguing, which causes them to be triggered with old wounds. This may lead them to react in self-sabotaging ways, which ultimately serves as a protection from being hurt. Fortunately, by this time Goddesses are aware of these tendencies and they have the tools to manage these old emotional triggers. The communication from the place of self-love and openness to their partners may lead to increased emotional connection.

Secure Love Creators

secure in love

The next phase is Secure Relationships, and women who complete this phase are on their way to becoming Secure Love Creators. This is a sort of post-doctoral study of secure love creation. This level is related to a higher form of love. Secure love creators feel secure and know how to love and receive love. They don’t doubt their relationship and their partner’s love. They can be in different continents and miss their partners, but Secure Love Creators know that their partner loves them. 

Secure Love Creators are differentiated. They know themselves and they understand their partners are different from them. When there is an argument, this level of differentiation allows them to see their part in a conflict as well as their partner’s part. There is not too much room for manipulation when you are a Secure Love Creator. 

Secure Love Creators have the ability for what I call dual empathy, or ability to see their own wounded younger parts as well as their partner’s at the same time. This allows them to communicate in the ways that help express their needs while empowering their partners. 

Secure Love Creators hold their own and their partners know their power. Their partners admire it. Even when secure love creators challenge their partners when they argue, they don’t feel attacked or put down. Their partners love how Secure Love Creators challenge them to be better men. 

This level of security goes beyond romantic relationships. This makes you a better parent and happier human. Secure love creators know that loving is ultimately the most rewarding experience and goal in life. 

I want you to know that you too can transition to be a Secure Love Creator. This has nothing to do with your superficial characteristics, such as your attractiveness, profession, nationality, and so on.  What are some of the benefits of making this transition?

Benefits to Becoming a Secure Love Creator

  • Feeling emotionally safe to be open and express yourself
  • Having a sense of security in your relationship and not fearing abandonment
  • Knowing how to manage your emotions
  • You can communicate your needs to your partner
  • You feel happy and fulfilled
  • Understanding what your partner needs
  • Your arguments bring your closer together
  • You provide emotional safety for your children and contribute to the benefits of future generations.

Remember! The best thing you can do for the world is to take care of yourself and be a healthy example.

Here are some of the reasons that may cause you to struggle in your intimate relationship:

There are two most prominent problems that I see amongst women I work with.

  • Not understanding your self-sabotaging tendencies that cause you to ruin potential chances with someone.
  • Not knowing how to date for a goal of commitment and a healthy relationship is another problem which may cause you to wind up in relationships that go nowhere. 

Well these are just a couple of the reasons, but they are very relevant and, most importantly, highly actionable. In other words, you can change this. You can acquire a secure attachment style. It's important that you feel excited and secure in your relationship if you want a long-term relationship. Overfunctioning love seekers often feel only excited, but soon enough they start struggling because their often avoidant partner starts withdrawing. This dynamic doesn't foster feelings of emotional safety in a relationship for overfunctioning love seekers.

It's important to remember that you don't need to heal completely and become a secure love creator before you start dating. You only need to be aware of your self-sabotaging tendencies and learn how to manage. 

Another important action is to learn how to date properly with the purpose of creating a secure healthy relationship with someone worthy of your heart. The problem is that so many women are not confident when it comes to dating. Many feel dread when they think of going out on a date.

If you want to replace that pit in your stomach and feel like you are going to an exam, with slight excitement, curiosity, and even fun (who knows) download this booklet with tips to help you feel confident.

 free download 

Get Immediate Access to Dating Confidence Tips!

Join my FB community.

Join Secure Love Creators club.

If you need more individualized help apply to see if relationship coaching is for you. 

Is relationship coaching right for you? 

I offer online relationship coaching for high achieving women interested in sincere high quality men, men ready to give you their heart. 

Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?

You will also get two bonus courses:

Challenge Your Accidental Singledom AssumptionsLearn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want

Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked

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About the Author

I'm dedicated to guiding women from feeling confused and frustrated to feeling competent and joyful when it comes to matters of love and romance.