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I get it. If you are an over functioning love seeker, it just makes sense for you to think that trying to be the opposite of who you are could give you better results. It makes sense that you want to change what hasn’t been working. You may think that attracting great guys means you need to be the opposite of who you are.
On top of that, everyone keeps telling you that men like easy going women who are busy and have something else going on besides focusing on the relationship with them. Give me a break, as if you are not already busy with so many things going on…
But think about it. Are all the women who are trying to come across as cool, busy, or not so eager, successful in attracting great guys? Not really. In fact, let me tell you what happens.
What kind of men do you attract following wrong advice?
When you try to meet quality men while not being open about your values, needs, and desires, you will naturally attract people who are wishy-washy. Many women fall for wrong advice and wind up in situationships, or relationships that go nowhere.
They attract people that play mind-games who are actually happy to keep the relationship stagnant instead of taking it further to the commitment level. When you are wishy-washy on the dating scene, then you attract the same kinds of people, wishy-washy people. Then you play the awkward game with them for a couple of months, just to wind up heartbroken because you discover he is not interested in anything serious. Let’s spare you these troubles in the future. How can we do it?
What to do to attract great guys?
So, what can you do to attract great guys ready to get to know and love you fully?
Secure love creators don't rely on the hope. Instead, they do what it takes to create the love life they want because relationships are so important to them. They are not ashamed to tell the truth about what they really want when they meet someone. They don't waste their time if someone is the wrong match for them.
Secure love creators are smart and honest, and most importantly, they honor themselves. They commit to their goal of creating secure love and having a healthy relationship. This attitude allows them to enjoy the process of dating.
How do they show up when dating?
Be authentic
If you ask any secure woman who is happy in her relationship, she will remember that she was showing up just the way she is, without thinking about it too much. In other words, they were authentic. Let’s understand, secure love creators aren’t necessarily completely self-confident. So they show up with their insecurities without hiding them. This authenticity allows them to attract men who are also interested in genuine commitment and relationships.
So let’s clarify what I mean by being authentic. It means, express yourself, your desires, needs, and goals of dating openly. Don’t be ashamed of them. For instance, if you want marriage, children, and all, don’t be afraid to express that. There are men that will be thrilled to find you just the way you are and who want the exact same things with a woman just like you are. You are great already and if you want to attract great guys, you just need to show up as you.
Your task then becomes to figure out if he is right for you.
Slow down the attachment process
The second thing that you need to do is to slow down the attachment process. If you are an overfunctioning love seeker, it is possible that you may have anxious attachment tendencies in relationships. It will be hard to figure out who is the right partner for you because you will have a tendency to attach to the first somewhat cute human that walks in your life just because you feel lonely.
This is why slowing down the attachment will help you figure out if you can be happy in the long run with someone. Many ambitious women struggle with slowing down the attachment process because they are wired to complete goals. One of these goals is to attract a great guy and create a family. The too quick attachment causes so much struggle in relationships. But, you need to know that you can become a Secure Love Creator following three stages, just like so many of my clients have.
This is why the next step will be a great help in slowing down the attachment. Imagine if you could attract quality men and have a choice instead of trying to convince one of them to take the next step with you. Well, you can, and so many of my clients do.
Date more than one person at a time
Why is this important? First, you will be able to slow down the attachment process, and thus figure out who’s the great guy for you. It's likely that you struggle to know what works and what doesn't work for you when you are only focused on one person.
There is a specific art to dating and especially dating more people. It's important to remember that dating isn't a relationship. I describe five stages of dating through relationships that will help you become a secure love creator.
So, it’s your choice. You can keep pretending that you are aloof and semi-interested, which will most likely lead you to attract those kinds of guys, aloof and semi-interested.
Or, you can show up as you, attract great guys that will appreciate you to pieces, and create secure love with a man of your choosing. What are you gonna do?
Are you tired of the dead end situationship cycle with wishy-washy men? DM me on Instagram @independentwomenrule
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