Are You Standing in Your Way to a Happy Relationship
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
If your goal is to have a happy relationship, you may be frustrated with how hard it seems to find a partner. To make matters worse, you may feel as people are blaming you for being single. That sucks.
You've worked so hard to get where you are in your education, career, and social life. Your friends may know you as a nice person to be around. You may have a good sense of humor, and so many people told you how attractive you are. So, what's the problem?
Is it that men are just not into having a committed happy relationship
Are the guys just not interested in serious partnerships because they can get sex easily? Gosh, no! That's our grandma's narrative.
Yes, there are always gonna be men out there who don't want a serious relationship, and that's fine. You don't want to find a guy who doesn't want a serious relationship and then convince him to commit to you. You want to find a guy who will be stoked to find a woman like you.
This way, you don't have to work that hard. A happy relationship isn't confusing. When you have two people with the same ultimate goal, things go much smoother. You don't have to be confused and frustrated not knowing where you stand with this guy.
Are the odds stacked against you
There are some gloomy statistics and studies out there. They will tell you that men's courting behaviors change depending on how many available women are. And, they are not necessarily wrong.
Men appear to be more promiscuous when there are more available women then when there are fewer. Jon Birger talks about it in his book Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game. You can watch my interview with Jon Birger about how women can improve their chances.
But, girl! Seriously! Let's leave statistics to policymakers and politicians. They should be using them to create better policies. This is your personal life. You are not a statistic. You don't have to compete against other women.
Additionally, relying on the odds has the potential to make you feel that you can't influence what you want in life. Thus you may fall to finding excuses why things aren't working out in your love life.
Besides, statistics can be deceitful, especially if they are taken out of context. For instance, you may find stats that say about your chances of finding a compatible partner and be in a happy relationship is very slim. Some stats talk about 1 in 500 or so.
But, what you may not realize is that this number doesn't take into account what happens when you make efforts to meet people. Your odds become significantly higher.
After all, you did so many amazing things just because you put your mind into it. And, in spite, all the odds, you pushed through until you figured it out. You can figure this out too and create a happy love life for yourself. So, what else could be standing in your way to a happy relationship?
Could you be the one who needs to change for a happy relationship
First, let me clarify one thing. The reason why I'm here is to help you figure it out in spite of all the odds and not to shame you. I know that it sometimes feels that the whole industry blames you for being single. Everyone is trying to tell you how to be and behave.
I don't want you to take this the way most of us usually take constructive criticism. When someone suggests that we can make some changes, we often feel like a failure because we didn't meet the standards.
Why do we feel attacked
The reason why you may feel attacked is most likely due to your upbringing. Just like many women, you were raised to feel that you need to prove yourself worthy by accomplishing things and pleasing others. So you may wind up judging yourself for disappointing others by being single. Yet, one more way in which you don't measure up.
You may see this as a failure to reach a goal. So, when someone says that you can change some things to increase your chances of getting love, you find yourself hypersensitive and attacked.
You may see people's suggestions as just one more way in which you need to improve yourself, one more way in which you are not good enough and need to strive harder. It's totally understandable why you feel disheartened when you get a sense that someone blames you for not having a happy relationship.
I don't want to tell you that you need to improve yourself to have a happy love life. What I want to do instead is to help you learn how to feel good about yourself just the way you are, so you can feel empowered.
How can you feel empowered in your love life
Instead of dwelling on external circumstances and blaming yourself, I suggest embracing a challenge and trying to figure out how to go about it. You see, when I say that you may be standing in your way of getting love, I don't mean you are not pretty, smart, or cordial enough to be able to get a happy relationship. It's more about how you feel about yourself.
You've learned really well how to be self-critical, and this is what's messing you up. Feeling that you need to measure up and prove yourself worthy is one of the main obstacles to a happy relationship.
High-value men want a woman who is open to receiving their gifts, affection, attention, and so on. They are happy when they make you happy.
If you feel anxious about how you come across, you will not be able to be receptive to his advances. You will have a hard time to connect emotionally and build a powerful attraction with a man if you are overthinking during the courtship with him.
Your old emotional wounds led you to compete with yourself and different ideals. Thus, you may not even know what makes you happy or what kind of partner is good for you.
You may feel you are not skinny enough, your skin is not clear, your hair isn't shiny, and so on. Also, you may wonder if you are too pushy, too needy, etc. You constantly judge yourself and wonder how you measure up. Thus you have a hard time relaxing and enjoying dates, socializing, etc.
Functioning like this will not allow you to have the awareness that will allow you to discern who's a good partner for you and who's not. You will wind up overthinking, and your confidence will plummet.
You don't have to struggle alone with this
I offer relationship coaching and counseling focused on helping you embrace yourself and learn relationship skills needed for a happy love life. Book a free chemistry session to see if working with me can help you.
Online Relationship Coaching for Women Who Want to Find Love or Improve Relationship with Their Partner
COACHING FOR SINGLE WOMEN LOOKING FOR LOVE--GET READY FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
COACHING FOR WOMEN WHO WANT TO IMPROVE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS--REACH HIS HEART
I offer online relationship coaching for singles and those in a relationship. Check out how relationship coaching can help you in your particular situation.
Let's see what you need to work on to have a happy relationship. Schedule a free disovery session with me, and we can discuss how we can work together.
You can also join Be Here & Now Relationship Academy and access The Accidental Singledom Checklist. I identify seven symptoms that show that you may be standing on your way to a happy relationship. Check them out and get free bonus courses.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download
The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked