Assertive Communication Will Help You Create Emotional Bond With Your Partner
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
Do you ever find yourself frustrated that you don't get what you want in relationships? You give everything of yourself to be nice, and it's just fair that you get the same treatment from your partner. If you don't utilize assertive communication, he may not have a clue about how to make you happy.
Assertive communication will help you remedy the curse of a "perfect" woman
Instead of fuming inside and hoping that he will "read your mind," you can express yourself and create a powerful bond with a guy you are dating, your husband, or boyfriend. Assertive communication will also help you build better boundaries and express yourself from the place of self-love rather than from resentment towards him.
Self-love will enable you to be soft and compassionate towards him and yourself, so when you communicate, it will help you get closer to the guy you are involved with. Instead of him thinking that you are perfect, he will see you as vulnerable, and he will want to protect you from all the villains, including himself.
When you come across as someone "perfect," guys may appreciate you, but they may struggle to see themselves in a romantic relationship with you. They may feel that they have nothing to contribute to your "perfect" life. Additionally, they may feel intimidated to share their emotions with you. Assertive communication can help you remedy all of this.
High-value men want to give to a receptive woman
If you are like the most of my clients, you too strive to be your best self in every aspect of life including romantic relationships. When you are caught in this cycle, you may be very self-critical. This causes you to be on edge and not experience good times with the guy you are dating. If a guy senses that you aren't enjoying with him, he will not bond emotionally with you.
I'm talking about emotionally attuned men, the ones you want to date and build relationships with. These kinds of men want to give something to you. They feel fulfilled when they see that you are receptive to their gifts. The gifts may be tangible, but I mostly talk about emotional gifts. These are "high value" men, and they want to know that their actions, words, and feelings matter to you.
Unfortunately, you, just like most modern women, are raised to achieve something and prove yourself in order to get the love. You respond emotionally to rewards when you earn it, and getting gifts for nothing may make you feel strange. The guy will sense that uneasiness. Assertive communication can help you get in touch with your needs and get closer to high-value men.
You already have so much going for you, but it's time to get that romantic love you've always dreamed of. After all, you too have so much love to give and deserve to be appreciated for just being you. Read more to learn how assertive communication can empower you.
Assertiveness evokes caring from guys
Assertive communication empowers you because you stand up for yourself. It also empowers your partner or the guy you are dating. By communicating assertively, you show him that he matters, that what he does impacts you.
When people say hurtful things, they are usually clueless about how they impact others. While we all may be prone to saying hurtful things at times, some people may do it regularly. Quite often those people feel that they are so irrelevant, so what they do or say doesn't make much impact. People with high self-esteem don't tend to hurt others carelessly.
When you communicate assertively with a guy, you share your feelings with him. If he is a caring man (the only kind you want to date I hope), he will want to protect you even if it's protecting you from himself. Assertiveness can help you create this kind of bond with a guy.
How to communicate assertively
In order to utilize assertive communication, you need to be in touch with your feelings. This requires a certain degree of vulnerability. If he says and does something that doesn't sit well with you, you can take your time and figure out how it made you feel.
Once you understand what feelings come up, you can choose how to express yourself to him. Of course, how vulnerable you decide to be will depend on how intimate your relationship with this particular guy is. The general rule is that you will be more vulnerable if your relationship is more intimate. Similarly, if you are just at the beginning of your relationship, you may choose to be less vulnerable.
1. If your relationship is long-term and you choose to be more vulnerable:
The basic formula is:
When you do (can behavior) it makes me feel (certain feeling)
For instance, you may say, "When you mock me in front of your friends, it makes me feel unworthy."
And that's it. You expressed how you feel. Now the ball is in his court. If he cares about you, he will feel horrible that his actions made you feel unworthy. He will do everything to redeem himself. Perhaps, he was just trying to show you affection by teasing you, and he didn't even realize that it would hurt you.
Kind, caring men love to make you feel good. They hate when they hurt you. I'm talking about high-value confident men. Assertive communication will get you closer. You are allowing him to get to know you and to apologize or redeem himself. If he doesn't then, maybe he is not a high-value man for you.
Note that you didn't put him down or say some offensive words towards him. Instead, you shared your feelings, stood up for yourself and communicated that what he is doing isn't OK with you.
2. If your relationship is new and you choose not to be vulnerable:
The basic formula is:
Stop doing (certain behaviors). I don't like it.
So, in the example above it would be something like:
Knock it down. I don't like it.
There are so many versions of all of those statements. What matters is that you never insult others. These instructions are related to romantic relationships. Your communication style will be different at your work, with your children, friends, and so on.
Expressing your needs and feelings will bring you two closer together
Assertiveness isn't only there to help you set healthy boundaries, but it can also help you express yourself in more general situations. For instance, you are on a date, and you feel nervous. You really like the guy, but things feel a little awkward. Perhaps, both of you are a bit anxious.
What you can do in this situation is say, "Boy, I don't know about you, but I feel a little nervous." You will naturally smile softly after this statement. What happens next is that his guard will go down, and you both will feel much more comfortable with each other. You see how assertive communication helps you get closer to him emotionally from the very beginning?!
Another important way to be assertive in your relationship is expressing your desires, wants, and needs openly and don't feel apologetic for them. Remember! Men love when they can please you. It makes them feel empowered, fulfilled, and happy. This helps you build an emotional bond with a guy.
So, whether you are talking about which food you want to eat, what activities you like to do, or what you enjoy in bed, it's good to express yourself. Your guy will be so happy that he doesn't have to figure out everything on his own. Remember! "Men are not mind-readers." Help him please you.
He will want to be a better man for you
When your guy feels that he can please you, that's when he feels that you make him a better man. Men develop deep emotional attachment when they feel that being with you will make them a better man. When you are able to communicate assertively with your man, magic happens in your relationship.
The problem with many of my clients, and it may be a problem for you is that assertive communication is just not your standard operating procedure. You are raised to be a nice girl. This kind of upbringing has many implications.
One of the most hurtful for you is that you learn to feel that you don't matter. Although intellectually you know that you do matter, when you struggle to express yourself assertively you reinforce feelings that you don't matter. This timidness will further lead to resentment towards your partner.
You will feel, it's unfair that he doesn't do this or that, or that he does this and that, etc. Again, remember! He is not a mind reader. Help the man a little. Utilize assertive communication to honor yourself and help your dude get to know you.
Relationship anxiety may keep you away from being assertive
High functioning anxiety is a double edge sword. It allowed you to manage so many difficult relationships by not sticking out and not expressing yourself. It also allowed you to make great achievements in school or at work. But, your personal life may struggle. What about your happiness? Assertive communication may not come easy.
If you need a little support with this, I'm here and can help you get to a place of being at ease with yourself.
Support is available as counseling or relationship coaching
In the case that you need relationship coaching or counseling to help you calm down nerves that won't allow you to be vulnerable, I'm here to help. We all need a little extra help. And why not? If you can get closer to your goal of getting the love you want, why wouldn't you? Life is precious, and why would you let the months or years pass you by.
Schedule a free 15-30 minute consult; I will help you figure out what you need to work on to enjoy your love life or relationships.
In case that you are not ready for coaching or therapy, you can sign up for my free academy where you can find courses that will help you with your love life. Sign up now to deal with your limiting beliefs that may prevent you from getting the love you want.
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Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked