Avoid These Types of Guys if You Want True Love
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
Do you ever find yourself in a situation that you get attracted to a guy, just to find out that he is a jerk down the road? It may feel that it's too late to back off because you invested emotionally in the relationship with him. You may wind up lowering your standards, and your self-esteem goes down the toilet. But, let's stop that cycle. Learn about guys to avoid, so you don't get blinded at the very beginning of the dating process.
If you are like millions of women, you want to find true love and have a committed relationship. That's when you may not see everything you need to look at about the guys you are dating. This is why I compiled the list of these two types of guys to avoid.
Ok, you don't have to listen to my advice but familiarize yourself with the reasons, why you should be cautious, so at least you can ask yourself some important questions and make informed decisions
Understanding will help you maintain your standards
Before I even dive into the reasons why you should avoid these types of men, I want to give you another critical advice. Please, date several men at the beginning, so you can allow yourself to slow down the process of getting emotionally attached. Thus, you can focus on yourself and your standards so that you can feel comfortable with your choices.
Of course, once you meet the men that I categorize as guys to avoid, you will have to make your judgment about them. These guidelines are meant to be there to help you take a closer look and be a little cautious before you give your heart to him. I will explain the reasoning why I think they are the guys to avoid when dating.
At least you should be cautious when you come across them.
1. Men who speak about their ex
First of all, do you want to go on a date, and listen to him talk about other women in his life? Not cool, especially at the beginning of your relationship with him.
She may be really unstable, and it was difficult for him
Poor man. He went through a lot. But, do you want to start your relationship with him as his therapist? I don't think you do because when your relationship starts this way, you lose a chance to develop an emotional connection with him based on the mutual attraction.
Although empathy is essential for a happy relationship, you don't want to create this kind of bond with him.If you find yourself in a therapist/counselor/caretaker role, you have to ask yourself two questions.
Are you ready for a true love relationship?
If you find yourself gravitating towards someone who is needy and starts spilling all his grief during the first few dates, then you may not be ready for a reciprocal relationship. A reciprocal relationship is the one where you are also prepared to receive love from a man that's ready to give it to someone. Just sayin', it's worth exploring it.
A happy romantic relationship has a balance of various kinds of interactions, including sexuality, caring for each other, friendship, etc. Thus, you don't want to wind up in one kind of roll.
Is he ready for a reciprocal relationship ?
Is he really over his ex? Has he dealt with all the issues from his previous relationship? If he talks to you about his ex during the first few days, is he in there for you, or to have a shoulder to cry on? Again, you need to consider these questions.
You may create a bond with him based on your listening and taking care of him, but his sexual attraction for you may be lacking in the future. You may wind up in this parental/mentor role. If this is the dominant flavor of your relationship, then you will hit the trouble down the road.
He is not in the category of the guys to avoid because he is a bad person, but because he is not ready for the reciprocal love that you are into.
Once he feels empowered, he may move on, and you may wind up feeling betrayed or used. If you decide to pursue a relationship with this guy out of pure unconditional love, you may be next Mother Theresa, but I just wanted you to know what you are in for. You too deserve to be cherished for all you have to offer and receive.
When he speaks ill about his ex
You need to be especially careful when you hear him speak ill about his ex. This category of guys to avoid is even more critical. There are deep psychological reasons for talking ill about their ex.
Some common terms that he may use are "basket case," "psycho," "unstable," or one of the most common "drama queen." I personally would stay far away from this guy.
Utilizing derogatory terms about his ex, signals to me that he may be narcissistic and he thrives on feeling superior when someone else is emotionally weaker. It's not unlikely that he may be the one who drove her nuts at times. The fact is that he was attracted to her to be able to enjoy the "drama."
It's most likely that this guy emotionally manipulates women by withdrawing affection or by being passive-aggressive. This, in turn, leads to “drama” and makes him feel superior. Yes, he will say that he is tired of it, but he participates in creating it.
Concerns about the "poor me" guy
Some guys may have been in a relationship with a woman who's perhaps struggling, but their narcism is more compassionate kind, and they thrive in a relationship where they can take care of others. I think these kinds of guys wouldn't call their ex, derogatory names. Still, you have to wonder can they be ready for a reciprocal relationship.
But, back to the "poor me" guy. You have to wonder, what attracted him to a"psycho" or a "drama." Perhaps he feels powerful that someone is "going crazy" because of him.
The other questions you need to ask yourself is, "What did he learn from the past relationships. What does he need to change in order to be successful in the future ones?"
Finally, don't you wonder, how he will speak about you? If you are not emotionally vulnerable, he may call you other derogatory terms. The bottom line is that this guy is always the victim in relationships. The good thing about this guy is that he may not even be attracted to you if you handle things calmly.
If you don't want to take any advice from me, it's OK, but please consider this one carefully. This kind of man is showing his true face already now. Don't expect him to change in the future.
2. Prince charming dream guy
Prince charming or a dream guy is another one that goes into the category of guys to avoid. What kind of men are we talking about here?
Have you ever been with a guy who's super invested in the relationship with you at the beginning? You two meet, and on the second date, he plans a vacation with you. His dedication is to impress and show you the best of his world.
What can you complain about? He is already making plans for your future together. On top of this, he seems to be supper enamored by you. Isn't it what you always wanted? Yes, but...
And, how do you feel? Hm... you feel strange about all this spectacle, and yet he probably has no clue that you are a bit weirded out.
Although all your friends are envious of your "dream guy," you should listen to your instincts. You may not realize why you feel uneasy about this guy and wonder what's wrong with you that you can't enjoy all this amazing display that he is presenting.
Why is he one of the guys to avoid
Well, I can explain what the issues may be with the ways he is courting you and why he is in my category of the guys to avoid. First, this guy all about himself and his performance. He fails to connect emotionally with you because he is enjoying the thrill of the chase. Unfortunately, he doesn't even notice how you respond to his attempts.
Although he is trying his best to please you, he has no idea what you are about. He may take you to the best restaurants without even wondering what kind of food you like to eat. Your prince charming may seem enamored by you, but he doesn't even know you.
It could be that he is just intrigued by his own performance of courting you. He is also thrilled by the idea of impressing his family and friends by dating you.
Questions that will help you determine if pursuing a relationship with him is a good idea
What matters here is that you take your time in deciding if this guy is for you. Check out your gut instinct. Ask yourself following questions:
How do I feel in his company?
It's possible that you may feel taken aback and uncomfortable. It could also be that you will feel struggle to set boundaries that work for you. You may even feel guilty and somewhat inadequate because you are unable to enjoy his "amazing" gifts and attention.
It's quite likely that you will feel that he doesn't really know you and you may worry that when he gets to know you, you will not measure up to his standards. If you feel like this, you are onto something. He doesn't know your that well right now. So, he is infatuated with his imagination of you.
So, don't be afraid to speak up and show your true self. Doing so will help you figure out if this guy is really into you.
Can I feel comfortable communicating openly with this guy?
If you have a hard time saying No to him, it may be your own issue, but it could also be that you may feel like you need to walk on eggshells, so he doesn't feel hurt if you reject some of his ideas.
So, based on your answers to these questions, you can determine if it's wise to continue a relationship with this guy. For a happy relationship, it's essential that you can be open and not afraid to show up as yourself. Authenticity is the only way in which you can build a happy relationship.
If your answers show that you can't be open and relaxed with him, it may be a time to consider moving on. Before that, I would have an open talk with him, and then you will know for sure. My suggestion is to let him know that you need to take the relationship a little slower. It would also be helpful if you can speak up about choices of activities, restaurants, etc. See how he reacts to that.
The chances are that he may be a guy who still cares to get to know you and he will respect your boundaries. Or, you may hurt his ego, and thus your relationship may end. In that case, it's okay because you don't want to get too entangled in a wrong relationship.
Support is available as counseling or relationship coaching
In the case that you need relationship coaching or counseling to help you calm down nerves that won't allow you to be vulnerable, I'm here to help. We all need a little extra help. And why not? If you can get closer to your goal of getting the love you want, why wouldn't you? Life is precious, and why would you let the months or years pass you by.
Schedule a free 15-30 minute consult; I will help you figure out what you need to work on to enjoy your love life or relationships.
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