Empathy Skills are Essential for Happy Relationships
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
Are you so frustrated with relationships that you are ready to go to a convent or Himalayas and take a vau of silence? Ok, Ok, maybe it's not to that point yet. But, if you are like me and millions of other women, you too have experienced frustration and confusion when it comes to communication with men. Good news is that you can switch it around by getting in touch with your empathy skills.You don't need to feel frustrated anymore. Learning how to get in touch with your empathy skills will help you feel empowered and create healthier relationships with yourself and with your partner. Imagine, being able to feel where he comes from instead of analyzing your conversations to death just to wind up even more confused.
Please don't have to struggle anymore. You can get in touch with your inner wisdom and utilize your empathy skills to jumpstart your love life. You deserve to be appreciated for all you are, especially the love you have to give.
Empathy skills start with self-attunement
Well, you probably think that I'm accusing you of being insensitive and selfish by telling you that developing empathy skills would help you improve your love life and relationships in general. That's not at all what I'm trying to do. Instead, I would like to encourage you to be more attuned to your own and your partner's feelings and needs.
The fact is that you may be extremely caring and self-sacrificing, and still struggle in your love life. Instead of analyzing things in your head, attuning to your own needs and getting a feel for his, will help you tremendously. This attunement needs to start from yourself.
Once you know how you feel, what you need, what works, and what doesn't work for you, it will be easier to establish good relationships with guys. When you feel comfortable with yourself and ready to claim what you want, you will not need to be resentful of what your partner wants or gets in the relationship.
Anxiety blocks your empathy skills
Self-attunement is possible when you are able to manage your stress. Anxiety prevents you from knowing who you are and what your needs are. You see, all your life you trained to achieve goals that will lead to rewards, such as being liked and loved. You learned that you need to perform in order to get love and attention you crave.
So, you go into dating efforts and try to figure out how you can modify yourself to be liked by a particular guy. You wonder what you need to do to attract this specific guy. Thus, you start dieting, doing nice things for him, and so on. This leads to further frustration and confusion if you don't get the results you want.
When he sees you do all these activities, it probably weirds him out. Instead of getting a feel for him and enjoying relaxed times, you analyze and try to perform. This is when you possibly lose emotional connection with men.
Then, you get a sense that things are not the way you want them to be, and instead of going back to the source, yourself, you start over-functioning, even more, to make things better. It's just natural that you feel resentful after your efforts don't work the way you want.
Thus, you wind up confused and not knowing what happened in the relationship. You may keep analyzing and wonder how you should act. Instead of driving yourself crazy like this, you could just use your empathy skills and have a feel for what the guy is about and what his needs are in a relationship. Similarly, you can determine if you want to get into his fabulous world.
Empathy enables you to see who he is and if you want to be a part of his world
Many women have an idea of what kind of partner they want, and that's fine. You should have some idea, but the problem is that many of these characteristics are based on superficial qualities. These qualities may have nothing to do with happiness in a relationship. Some people literally have a physical type that they are looking for.
This kind of criteria choices isn't necessarily wrong or bad. The problem is that we may be blinded by these characteristics and fail to see the red flags that may point to the fact that we can't be happy with this person in a long-term relationship. This tendency shows that you may not be in tune with yourself and what you need.
So, let's consider an example. You meet this fantastic guy. He is tall, handsome, educated, and he comes from a prominent family. You both like each other. You both check off your real or imaginary lists of qualities you are looking for.
But, while you were busy in your head wondering how to keep him interested in you, you failed to notice that he is a workaholic who wants you to fill in the role of his wife just because you fit the criteria. You didn't realize that he may be emotionally distant and unable to give you the love you crave.
Empathy skills empower you to know that you matter
Picture yourself in an argument with a guy. When you are anxious, you lack self-confidence. You immediately go into a defense mode. After all, you give your best for this relationship. Why wouldn't he see that? Perhaps, he didn't need all of that what you've provided.
Perhaps all that sacrifice causes him to feel overwhelmed and burdened. I know this is hard to hear. You may sacrifice for the relationship, but did you ever pause and wonder what he needs? If you did, maybe you could allow him to be a part of the relationship. So you drive yourself to the exhaustion emotionally.
When you keep going on empty, you may wind up feeling disheartened. You may feel that you are not important to your partner. Try pausing and get a feel for what he needs from you. It could be some space to allow him to step forward into the relationship or to do something nice for you.
Do you see how empathy in relationships is empowering? Our first impulse is to go to the anxious space and feel like a little child that was accused unjustly. Instead of doing so, you can say to yourself, "Ok! what does he need? Let me understand where he comes from."
Exploring this will maybe lead you to understand that you matter to him more than you thought and that you can make a difference. Or on the other hand, it may reveal that you shouldn't invest emotionally in the relationship with this guy.
In an argument, one party needs to start showing empathy. I think it has to be the party who's not mad at the moment. Instead of being triggered by his complaints, you can show empathy skills and listen to where is coming from. Instead of wondering, "Why is he attacking me," you can think, "Let me see where he comes from."
These are essential listening and communication skills. When you show your empathy, it doesn't mean that he is right, or you are wrong. It only says that you will look at how you affect him. This is empowering because it means that what you do matters to him.
Support is available as counseling or relationship coaching
I know it may be hard to apply empathy skills when you are used operating anxiously, but it takes a little awareness, and you can get there gradually. If you need more help with anxiety, I'm here for you. I am taking new clients, and I provide online counseling and relationship coaching.
Schedule a free 15-30 minute consult; I will help you figure out what you need to work on to enjoy your love life or relationships.
In case that you are not ready for coaching or therapy, you can sign up for my free academy where you can find courses that will help you with your love life. Sign up now to deal with your limiting beliefs that may prevent you from getting the love you want.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked