Be Vulnerable to Jumpstart
Your Remarkable Love Life
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
As you are browsing different magazines and reading different articles on dating and relationships., you get bombarded with dating advice. Not many articles tell you to be vulnerable. They probably assume that vulnerability is reserved for long-term relationships.
The problem with all the dating advice is that it may not be adequate for your specific situation. For instance, I can tell you not to text a guy who didn't text you first. But, what if he is timid and didn't think that you would ever want to be with him? Or, perhaps you want to nurture assertiveness and "to go for what you want" attitude. Thus, advice not to text him goes against your goals and personal values too.
However, if I tell you to be vulnerable, I want you to be true to yourself. Being vulnerable means that you know who you are, what you want, and how you can get it. Vulnerability doesn't necessarily mean that you are needy or dependant on others to take care of your emotions.
What it means to be vulnerable
To be vulnerable, you need to be confident and aware of your feelings. Confidence, in this case, says that you can accept yourself just the way you are. You don't need to pretend. If something hurts you, you are ready to acknowledge it.
Also, being vulnerable doesn't mean that you are weak. The opposite is true. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are showing strength. You communicate to the world that you are Ok with yourself being just the way you are and you are not afraid to feel or express your feelings.
You are also communicating when needed that it may not be OK the way they are treating you. For instance, your partner does something that you don't like. Let's say; he doesn't call you when he said he would. Instead of pretending that you are OK, and it's alright, you tell him, I was_______(disappointed, hurt, feeling irrelevant, etc.).
How being vulnerable affects your suitors
When you express your feelings like in the above example, you allow yourself to be vulnerable. But, not only that. You also let him know what your expectations are from a guy you want to be involved with. When you allow him to see how he makes you feel, you communicate that you have high standards and that you expect remarkable treatment from him.
Additionally, your vulnerability shows him that you are serious about relationships. If he is a guy who's into the same, it will resonate with him, and he will start considering you as a serious potential. Moreover, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you will communicate that it's safe for him to express his feelings.
If he is not into anything serious, you will know right away. At the very least, he will respect you and think that you are cool regardless of the outcome of your relationship.
If he is into something serious, he will feel much more open and ready to pursue you with fewer games and shenanigans that go on in the modern dating world. He will be relieved that he's found you and that he can finally be himself with a woman. So refreshing.
Being vulnerable and healthy boundaries
If you are like most women, you probably feel freaked out and feel you can't have all your cards open. You may wonder if it's inappropriate to express yourself in such vulnerable ways. Perhaps, you think that doing so doesn't show healthy boundaries.
I'll tell you that it's just the opposite. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and express how you feel, you are demonstrating proper boundaries. You are allowing yourself to acknowledge hurt feelings instead of stuffing them down and carrying shame for something that's not your fault. As I already said, you communicate to others that their actions are hurtful.
Of course, you can express your emotions and vulnerability to different degrees. You don't have to be completely open with a complete stranger or someone who doesn't deserve your openness. Based on the degree of intimacy in your relationship, you can express your feelings more or less precisely.
Regardless of the depth of the relationship, you can still allow yourself to be vulnerable and acknowledge your emotions. From that awareness, you can go in any direction you choose. You can sometimes say something like, "That's not cool. I didn't appreciate it." or you can say, "When you don't text me, it makes me feel hurt."
Be vulnerable and get the love you want
Similarly, you can express different degrees of vulnerability when you are saying something positive to a guy for instance. There is a difference in the degree of your openness when you say, " I enjoy your company," or "I love you." If you feel scared, you can always choose a less exposed version.
You can utilize this tactic (not the best word) if you want to move your dating and relationship towards a more committed deal. The reason why I dislike the word tactic is that it gives the impression that you are scheming. You aren't. You are putting yourself out there and allowing him to see you.
We women are raised to think that if we express our feelings to a guy first, that we position ourselves in the place of lower value. You need to know how to be vulnerable and how to communicate so that you can have the best results. When you express your appreciation and feelings towards a guy that treats you well, you are displaying gratitude and appreciation. This is by no means low value.
So go ahead, be vulnerable and express yourself to him. It will cause him to feel proud and satisfied. This way, you will give him the green light to get even closer to you if you want it. You can say statements like:
I really enjoy the times we spend together
You make me feel special when you text me goodnight
It turns me on when you get me flowers
I love when you cook for us
So, all these statements can be modified for your particular situation. These are good statements to say when you are dating someone and you want your dating to progress to a committed relationship.
Liberate your emotional intelligence
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings and be vulnerable will enable you to awaken your emotional intelligence. Your emotional intelligence is smothered by the relationship anxiety that keeps you confused and frustrated when it comes to dating and love.
Unfortunately, you may struggle with some issues from your past painful relationships. Also, anxiety can cause you to be scared of showing your emotions. In any case, it may be hard for you to allow yourself to be vulnerable. It's understandable because you don't feel safe. I have amazing tools to help my clients with these issues. I specialize in helping people deal with anxiety and trauma that prevent them from enjoying their love life.
Support is available as counseling or relationship coaching
In the case that you need relationship coaching or counseling to help you calm down nerves that won't allow you to be vulnerable, I'm here to help. We all need a little extra help. And why not? If you can get closer to your goal of getting the love you want, why wouldn't you? Life is precious, and why would you let the months or years pass you by.
Schedule a free 15-30 minute consult; I will help you figure out what you need to work on to enjoy your love life or relationships.
In case that you are not ready for coaching or therapy, you can sign up for my free academy where you can find courses that will help you with your love life. Sign up now to deal with your limiting beliefs that may prevent you from getting the love you want.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked