Know Thyself to Be Ready for True Love
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
Is dating becoming dated in your life? OK, pun intended. If you are like many women today, you may be feeling tired of the dating scene. You tried all the strategies, from being proactive to taking a break and allowing the universe to send you the right one. What about you? How would you like this to work out? Do you know thyself?
Do you know thyself
None of the strategies you tried worked, and in the process, you got even more lost and confused. What to do? You can carry on and enjoy your wonderful life as it is and hope that something will happen to add that cherry on top, a loving partner that will get you and join your beautiful life.
In spite of all the fantastic things going for you, you still wind up crying yourself to sleep when you feel lonely after a party or family gathering. You accept these invitations, and you hope you may meet a single guy that's just right for you. But even when you meet people, you wind up feeling disconnected, confused, and frustrated.
After going through just enough of these experiences, you may feel super defeated when you focus on them. Since there is so much at stake for you, you find these interactions super frustrating.
You don't know what to do anymore. And, I get it. The more you put yourself out there, the more defeated you may feel. Continuing like this will make you lose hope.
Acknowledging your mixed feelings, frustrations, and struggle is the first step towards being able to know thyself. Awareness is half of the work towards your goal, your dream love life.
What does it mean to know thyself
Knowing yourself can mean a lot of things. Learning about yourself is a lifelong quest, but it's important for the love life. Being yourself is the best way of showing up if you want a happy relationship.
When it comes to relationships, it's essential to get to know thyself before you embark on the quest for a partner. There are so many aspects that you need to figure out.
Know your old patterns
One way to know thyself is to know your family background and upbringing and relationship history. Doing so will help you figure out what healthy or unhealthy patterns (thoughts, behaviors, feelings) you may have.
You may be attracted to guys that aren't good for you, or you may feel that you are not worthy of love. Or, perhaps, you may be closed off because of too much hurt.
Knowing this history will help you change these patterns. Insight is the first step towards the change. How can you know thyself when you may want to escape the truth? In my sessions with clients, I ask them explorative relevant questions that help them get these "aha" moments when they realize what's been hindering them from getting the love they want.
Ask the right questions to know thyself
My clients are so amazed to find how many things they were not aware of. Knowledge is power, so know thyself, so you can change what you don't want. A good therapist will know what kind of questions to ask to help you open up while helping you deal with the emotional turmoil that may come up when you open up.
The other great benefit of working with a good therapist is that they give you a different perspective. For instance, once you get to know your unhealthy patterns, you may (just like most of us) start beating yourself up. If you are like the most of the women you were raised to be extremely self-critical.
For instance, my client may say, "I'm so stupid. I always let men manipulate me." Although there was a time when this had happened, it's not the case anymore.
In our sessions, I would remind her of instances when she didn't let men manipulate her, and how this old pattern happened ten years ago. Then, I would provide a different perspective to her stating that she is at the different place right now and that she has grown since that time.
To start exploring your history, you too can ask yourself the right questions. You can write in a journal. Some good questions to explore are:
How I feel about men
What messages did I get from my family about men, love, relationships, myself, etc
What comes up when I think of dating
Write about your best and worst experiences in love, dating, relationships
Have you ever felt loved by someone
What do you need to feel loved
What do you need to feel happy
These are just a few ideas. You will be inspired as soon as you start writing. If you have a therapist, this process will help you progress faster.
Know your values and limits
Another important aspect of getting to know thyself is knowing what you are into and what is an absolute deal breaker for you. Many women think they know themselves, but the problem is that what we think is ours, could be the narrative served to us by family, society, or our culture. Your story may not be yours. Your values may be based on this other narrative.
Go with your feelings
How to know thyself then? Well when looking for a partner, it's essential to drop down from the cerebral space into your emotions. Instead of checking off your lists with all the qualities, I would encourage you to focus on how you need to feel when you are with him.
How to explain this? Well, for instance, instead focusing on wanting to be with a man that's rich, you can focus on wanting to be with a man who's ambitious or who makes you financially secure. There is a big difference. You may get a rich guy, but he may be stingy or he may spend all his money on some of his hobbies.
On the other hand, you may get a guy who's not your typical rich man, but he will make you feel secure financially. He may work hard and be good with money. You may be able to save while going together on vacations etc.
Similarly instead of saying how you want him to look, focus on what attracts you to him. You may wind up liking a guy that would never be "your type," but when you think of him, you get turned on.
Define your absolute limits
While I suggest being open-minded regarding figuring out what you want, I also recommend being categorical when it comes to your limits. What are you NOT going to tolerate? This is something for you to determine, and we all have different limits to what is acceptable and what's not.
For instance, many women would not want to be with a guy that's violent. The problem is that violent guys usually don't show their real face until you get sucked into the relationships. But, if you follow my advice to follow your gut feelings, you will see the early signs.
Most importantly, when you start a relationship, be open-minded and keep your eyes open. Note how he talks to servers in a restaurant, what he says about his ex, how he treats his parents, etc. These are clear cues on how he will treat you when going gets tough.
When you go through the process of self-discovery, you will get to know thyself. From this place, everything will be clear to you. All of the advice becomes superfluous, and you develop confidence that's extremely attractive.
Then you can position yourself in the way that will allow you to chose one of the men that are trying to show you that they are the ones worthy of your consideration. That's when you can feel empowered to make the right choice for your life partner. Get to know thyself first.
Support is available as counseling or relationship coaching
In the case that you need relationship coaching or counseling to help you explore what you need, I'm here to help. We all need a little extra help. And why not? If you can get closer to your goal of getting the love you want, why wouldn't you? Life is precious, and why would you let the months or years pass you by to figure out who you are and how you can be happy in love and life.
Schedule a free 15-30 minute consult; I will help you figure out what you need to work on to enjoy your love life or relationships.
In case that you are not ready for coaching or therapy, you can sign up for my free academy where you can find courses that will help you with your love life. Sign up now to deal with your limiting beliefs that may prevent you from getting the love you want.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked