Heal and Be Empowered to Love and be Loved
Do you keep yourself busy, just so you can avoid feeling lonely? Do you think relationships are confusing and frustrating, Do you ponder if it's the time to give up on your personal happiness and dedicate your life to other things?
You tried, and you worked hard. Just like with everything else, you did your best. Somehow you feel like you are on the top of everything else, but relationships make you cringe. Relationship therapy can help you sort things out and feel better and more competent and powerful when it comes to relationships.
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Do you often find yourself thinking like this?
- I'm losing hope that I'll ever be happy.
- I wonder if things will ever be better.
- I feel stuck and paralyzed to make any decision or move.
Why are relationships so difficult and why would I participate in relationship therapy?
Although you may feel competent in your career, relationships may be a struggle for you. Although yearning for love and good relationships is natural and quite common, many don't have it. Many of us suffer from wounding and trauma from our family of origin as well as past relationships. Relationship therapy can help you address the wounding or trauma from the past that prevents you from enjoying relationships and living a full life.
There can be different ways in which we struggle in love. You may be single or in a relationship that's not working out for you. You may be inclined to feel attracted to the wrong partners, someone who's unable to love you the way you feel you need to be loved. Or, perhaps, you may not be ready to accept the love that's given to you. Although you may crave it, you may not accept it in your heart when it is given to you. That's perhaps because deep down, you may not even believe you are worthy of that love. You tried everything in your power to make it work, yet it seems that none of these tactics work. In any case, relationships can bring a lot of grief. Relationship therapy helps you deal with underlying issues that may cause you to struggle in love and other relationships.
Is there a chance for me to ever be happy in love? How can relationships become easier?
If you work on yourself to heal, relationships can become easier and provide more joy. If you have the desire and determination, you can achieve this too, just like you've achieved so many other things you are proud of. What prevents us all from achieving what we want is fear of being hurt. Relationships can be very scary. Relationship therapy can help you work with this fear to learn about yourself and make changes that will have a positive impact on your entire life as well as your ability to manage relationships.
It all starts with you. Relationship therapy can help you significantly if you are ready to do the work and take the ownership of your life.
How does relationship counseling or therapy help me if I come alone or I'm single?
Our ability to establish and maintain relationships reflect our overall mental health. Relationship therapy can help you heal and be your best self.
Relationship counseling or therapy requires you to look deep inside and see what kinds of changes you can make to improve your relationships and life in general. Change starts from within. You may be freaked out about the idea of change because you've created a cocoon around yourself where you feel safe but you may yearn for more.
Relationship therapy helps heal the wounding that led you to live in this cocoon and helps develop new thinking patterns that are more helpful. Making necessary changes becomes natural once we do the internal work.
What is it that you yearn for, and what fears prevent you from getting out of your cocoon? Relationship therapy can help you figure this out. Working with me also helps you get strength, tools, and confidence so you can make these changes in spite of the fears. As you can picture, getting out of a cocoon may be scary, but also liberating.
Can relationship therapy help my relationship even if my partner doesn't want to come?
Definitely. As I already explained, the change starts from within you. Once you work on your own healing and make positive changes in your personal life, relationships become easier. The best thing you can do for everyone in your life is to take care of yourself. This has a profound change on the whole family. When you are more in touch with yourself, you will naturally be more authentic and less resentful. You will have better boundaries and will come from love rather than frustration and anger when you communicate.
Do you help only with relationships? I think I may be going through some stress or anxiety. Can you help me with this?
I can definitely help you with these other struggles. Many of us experience these difficult feelings of stress, anxiety, irritability, hopelessness, or low self-esteem in addition to relationship problems.
Often these feelings may be a consequence of wounding or trauma from the past. I specialize in helping you with that trauma that causes these difficult feelings. Our troubles with relationships are often accompanied with these other struggles. Addressing these struggles will help you enjoy and feel more competent in the relationships.
Stress and Anxiety Play a Major Part in Today's Women's Lives
Living like this for a prolonged periods of time can lead to irritability, anxiety, stress, and panic attacks.
- panic attacks
- adjustment issues
- anger issues
- shortness of breath
- excessive worry
- feeling incompetent
- feeling worthless
- excessive guilt
- difficulty concentrating
- Problems with sleep
Why do I make “stupid choices” in love although I know better?
Oh, this is such a great question. I just wouldn't call it "stupid choices." They are rather choices based on fear and old patterns.
It would be so simple if we only had our rational brain. But we don't, we also have our emotional brain. Our emotional brain sometimes can be compared to a hyper vigilant dog that wants to protect us from leaves falling off a tree. This is especially the case when we have a history of trauma from the past.
This bondage of the past makes us feel we have fewer options than we really do. Our emotional brain becomes conditioned to feel we are limited. Thus, you may understand your situation really well. You may know what would be best for you, but you may be unable to make those decisions that will lead to positive change. Instead, you may be stuck in a situation that's not the best for you
The reason for this, as Bessel van der Kalk explains in his book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, our rational brain can't easily override our emotional brain. Our emotional brain fires fear signals to our body and we are unable to do what our rational brain tells us is best. This is why sometimes working with our body can be helpful in addition to talk therapy. This is why I also utilize body-mind oriented therapy modalities involving mindfulness.
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How is body-mind oriented therapy different from “regular” therapy?
In addition to regular talk therapy, where we explore your thoughts and feelings, I also use somatic interventions. I utilize Sensorimotor Psychotherapy interventions, which is a type of mind-body oriented therapy. Besides working on the processing of your feelings and thoughts, you and I also observe your body reactions and integrate this information into the treatment. Read more about my aproaches in Agoura Hills, California Body-Mind Oriented Therapy for Anxiety and Stress
Basically body-mind oriented therapy allows you to access the "emotional brain" through your body. We access that deeply stored information through your body sensations and then integrate it with our rational brain in the present moment utilizing mindfulness. This is shown to be a very effective treatment for trauma, anxiety, relationship issues, panic attacks, and so on. This kind of work has lasting benefits in your life. You gain new skills and resources that can help you deal with difficulties in the future. To read more about Sensorimotor Psychotherapy visit Sensorimotor Psychotheapy Institute.
Why do you specialize in working with women? What about men? Do you serve men too?
Of course, I do. I serve men as well. It's just that I specialize in women's specific issues. You can understand more if you read about my background in Abut Dalila. Here I explain how my upbringing led me to be passionate about women's issues.
Women are Pressured to Fit Societal Norms.
I feel we women are bombarded to comply with social norms by various channels including media, family, society, and so on. The messages women get are contradicting and confusing at times. Women are expected to be good mothers, accomplished in their careers, and dedicated to their families. You may be feeling guilty at work because you took time to tend to your sick child, while your extended family may gripe about the fact that you spend too much time at work and not raising your children full time.
Although these influences aren't necessarily all negative, they may not reflect our deep yearning and values. We women are especially expected to fall in line and do what's expected based on our roles. These rules can be very confusing at times. We often wind up fulfilling these roles to please the people with these expectations. Read more about how our upbringing is affecting our emotional wellbeing and about why and how I work with women.
Are you ready to take ownership of your life, reduce emotional distress, and enjoy the relationships to the fullest? I believe you can accomplish this, and it's time to tend to your wellbeing.
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