Create Healthy Space in Your Relationship
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
You meet this amazing guy. You can't believe how happy you are. Things are going so well, but you are waiting for something negative to happen, and then bam. He tells you that he wants to "take it slow." Instead of creating the scenes for a horror dating movie in your head, learn how to deal with this situation by creating healthy space in your relationship.
Doing this will give you a perspective and a deeper understanding of where he is coming from. You will also get a chance to handle the anxiety that comes up for you, so you don't wind up sabotaging your relationship.
Although you wanted to take it slowly yourself, it bothers you a bit that he said it first. A lot of negative thoughts rush through your head. What does it mean? Is he tired of you? Does he think that you are too eager? An, on and on...
While you are creating the worst possible scenarios in your head, things are probably much better than they seem. Taking some space in your relationship will help you make the best decisions and allow your relationship to grow to the next level.
Creating healthy space in your relationship will help your relationship grow
What's important is that you don't wind up freaking out. You can make this situation much better for both you and him. If you understand where he comes from and if you create some healthy space in your relationship, you will be able to develop deeper intimacy and trust with him in the long run.
Understanding his need for healthy space
So, what can be the reason behind his freaking out? If you have a sense that you two are getting along so well, it's most likely that he is enjoying your company too. He is probably realizing that he is falling for you, and he is afraid that he will mess things up.
Another fear may be that he is so excited about you, that he is afraid that you will one day realize that he is not what you are looking for. Thus, he is facing his fears and struggle to feel in charge of the situation. He is worried that he is falling for you too fast.
When he says that you should take it slower, he is basically asking you to help him. In some unwritten book of the rules, his job is to pursue you. So, he may be requesting you to put on some brakes in the relationship since he feels powerless to do so.
His behaviors will tell you his motivation
Of course, if you are not sure that you both are having great times, things are different. He may have different reasons for wanting to slow things down. Those may be that he is really not interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with you, or he may want out completely. It may also be that he sees that he may fall for you, but he is not interested in a long-term relationship in general.
You will know this based on his behaviors. If you have to guess, it's most likely the case that he is not that much into you. Don't take it personally. There are so many reasons why men withdraw in a relationship.
The man who's into you will continue pursuing you and showing you affection. The other kinds will keep withdrawing, and you will be the one who doesn't have the power to slow things down because they are slow anyhow.
You still have the power of choice if you want to continue seeing him or date other men. What matters is that you take that space in your relationship to determine what's going on and what you want to do.
How to create healthy space in your relationship
Remember, you probably wanted to take things slowly before you started falling for him. So, embrace this as something positive. It's important to note that creating healthy space is not playing games. You are basically doing something good for your relationship.
When you are able to create that space, you will allow your guy to feel safe to pursue you. He is basically requesting it from you. He is asking you to hold the reigns and help him manage this relationship.
Think of yourself first
So, what I would recommend is that you spend a little less time with him. The best way to do it is by putting yourself first. For instance, he is thinking of you and wants to meet you on the spur of the moment. Sure, it's very tempting to meet him, but most likely had some other plans before he invited you.
Sometimes we, women are prone to putting others ahead of ourselves. We may have a hard time understanding our own needs, but you can reclaim your time and power and create some space in your relationship. Know you will be triggered by impulses to please him and enjoy his company.
Sure, it's very tempting to hop in your car and run to him, but how much inconvenience do you need to go through to do this? Instead of meeting him now, you can tell him other times when you are available. This way, you allow him to anticipate and plan the date with you.
Enjoy your dates with him
Then, when you meet him, make it the best times. How do you make the best times? By enjoying yourself and treating him well. You express appreciation and gratitude for everything he is giving you. We are talking about his time, planning, company, etc.
When you express your appreciation and gratitude, you spark something in him that will make him want to please you even more. He will want more of your company, and he will be happy to arrange for more meetings.
This is just one of the examples that show how to create healthy space in your relationship. This example is just a guide, and by no means, you need to follow this all the time. Developing your own emotional intelligence will help you make decisions that are the best for you and your relationship.
Your emotional intelligence can sharpen
My belief is that you already have emotional intelligence that's covered with anxiety and old emotional wounds due to your upbringing or difficult past relationships. Anxiety doesn't allow you to feel confident about your feelings, observations, or decisions.
In my therapy and coaching work with clients, I help them clear these mindset blocks that prevent them from feeling confident and capable or worthy of enjoying healthy relationships.
You too can jumpstart your love life by working through some of your blocks. You can book a complimentary discovery session to see if working together could help you get the love you crave.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked