Why Men Withdraw When You Are on Cloud Nine?

Why men withdraw

 and what to do 

about it

Have you ever been in a situation that you have a great time with a guy for a couple of months, and then he withdraws? So many of us have experienced this. This situation is gut-wrenching and brings up a lot of anxiety and frustration. But, why men withdraw?


Importance of distinguishing the reasons why men withdraw

When asking this question, it's important to separate the reasons related to his own personal issues and the reasons that are perhaps just circumstantial and may not even mean that he is withdrawing. It's also important to know if he is withdrawing because of something is going wrong in the relationship or because he is just preoccupied with various other things in life, such as work or his family.

The fact is that most of us freak out when any of situations happen. Our mind goes to the worst possible scenario. We usually do it due to underlying anxiety, which prevents us from enjoying love and life in general.


Men operate differently


There are reasons why men withdraw that are uniquely related to how men are. Knowing this will help you avoid frustration and panic, which can hurt your relationship. What matters is that you understand him and how he operates. Doing so will help you see his perspective and potentially strengthen your relationship if you really want to.

There are numerous reasons why men withdraw. For instance, he may be dealing with some problems in his personal life, and that's why he focused on it instead of the romance with you.

He also may feel a deep attraction to you and then take some time to gain perspective and see if he wants to continue into a deeper emotional commitment and if it fits into his lifestyle. In short, there are various reasons why he may seem distant.

Why men withdraw

It can be a natural stage in your relationship


Why men witdraw

Other reasons why it seems that he is distant may be related to how relationships go in general. In other words, it can be your perception and unrealistic expectations that make you think that something is wrong.  Oce you gain a little perspective,  you can make better decisions instead of acting out of panic.

And, guess what?  Acting out in a panic is natural too. It's biologically based. The best of us experience this, especially when we already struggle with anxiety. When you are in the initial stages of love, there are chemicals in your brain that cause you to be obsessed. If you perceive that he is becoming distant, it's just natural to be panicky. But, is he really growing distant or what else may be going on?

First, you can't constantly be in that intoxicated state just like when you just meet. The reality kicks in when you start getting to know each other more. When your relationship is new, you only see each other in the best light in the best environments, such as restaurants, outings, etc.  You go out to have a good time and to present your best selves.

Reality of ordinary life seems like a big contrast to this fantastic beginning that you've experienced

But, when you become closer and familiar, life kicks in and we see more of each other than just surface. So, we start seeing each other in real situations. It's natural that the initial courting bliss can't last forever. Thus, you may perceive that he is becoming distant, when in fact it's just natural that relationship moves to the next stage.

You are actually becoming more familiar with each other. You see each other in a different light now, in various life circumstances and not only when you are having fun.

Both of you may be focusing on other things in life. And, in this case, you may be perceiving that he is becoming colder and not so interested in you, when in fact he may be dealing with some personal things, such as his work, family issues, and so on. This doesn't necessarily mean that you are irrelevant, but it just means that he shifted his focus a bit due to different circumstances.

The other twist to familiarity is that he feels that he doesn't need to wow you anymore. He feels he can relax more, and his guard may go down. And, this is a good thing. You want your relationship to be natural and comfortable.  

But at the same time, if this goes to the extreme, the relationship may become stale, and you two may grow apart. However, just as he is responsible for not trying to be romantic, is it possible that you are the one who's not challenging enough?

How to handle this stage of ambiguity with dignity


How you react to this situation may be crucial. Some women just tolerate this shift and hope that things will change on its own, while some women become clingy and overly critical. Both ways are not helpful.

When you just let it go, you don't necessarily get rid of you crippling anxiety that will negatively affect your relationship. You also don't create circumstances that will help two of you grow. If you panic and become clingy, it can turn him off.

There are a couple of good ways to handle this. Expressing your needs and expectations from him openly is one of the best ways to go about this. You can say something like, "I expect a man to show me that he cares and not keep me guessing." If he is interested in you, he will make sure he measures up to your expectations.

You can also add more finesse to the direct approach. Another helpful thing to do is express your feelings related to his lack of romantic effort.  There are a couple of ways in which you can do this. You can say something inspiring, such as, "I used to feel so special when you would buy flowers for me."  Remember men love to please women and make them feel good.

Or you can say something that will cause him to have to problem solve. Men love to problem solve for you. For instance, you can say, " I don't know what's going on with our relationship. Being distant like lately makes me worry and wonder if you care enough. I'm wondering if it's safe for me to keep investing my emotions."

This kind of statement will propel him to want to do something to make sure that you don't feel anxious. He doesn't like to see you feel unsafe. He wants to be your hero and not someone who will bring you distress.

why men witdraw

Couple of other reasons why men withdraw that you may not want to tolerate

He may not be such a good match for you, and you may want to know possible reasons why men withdraw that you shouldn't tolerate. In some instances, it can be that he is pushing your boundaries with or without even realizing. He is testing his limits to see how far he can go with you.

In some strange way, it can give him a pleasure to see that he matters to you that you will look through the bad behaviors and let him get away with it. But deep down, he may lose respect for you and devalue your love because you don't set the limits.

Some men are just not ready for deep emotional connection. They enjoy the thrill of the chase, but they withdraw once they feel that you are "dancing" the dance with him. Have you ever been with a guy who was super romantic, but as soon as you starting warming up, he withdraws?  Then, you withdraw, and he starts working on getting you back. And thus, he drives you bonkers.

In both instances, it's good to set those boundaries and see what happens. You ultimately may not know if the guy is just playing with you or he is really busy with other issues in life. What matters to you is that you know what you want and how to express it. The ball is in his court after that.

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About the Author

I'm dedicated to guiding women from feeling confused and frustrated to feeling competent and joyful when it comes to matters of love and romance.

  • eric says:

    I usually reach a point of maximum unhappiness at the point she reaches maximum happiness. Typically this involves her having told me we were going somewhere some evening without asking me if I wanted to go. Around this same time she has decided to make inroads into my closet and has decided without asking me, added or discarded some clothing to my wardrobe. Usually the point of maximum unhappiness is reached when she talks and laughs about me with her friends… while I’m sitting next to her.

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