High achieving women are usually great communicators and they have great verbal skills, but they struggle when it comes to communication with men in relationships, especially if they are anxious love seekers. The reasons for this vary, but it’s all related to upbringing and trauma beliefs we’ve created, which now reflect in our communication with our partners. You don't need to continue like this. With a little awareness and determination, you too can avoid these mistakes that cause communication problems in a relationship.
Why do most high achieving women struggle with communication problems in a relationship?
You see, romantic relationships trigger our attachment trauma the most. Because of this, I’ve seen anxious love seekers making two major mistakes that affect their communication in a relationship. Let me explain, so you can avoid these mistakes and be more aware. This way you can communicate with men without frustration and instead build powerful attraction and emotional connection. First, let me explain what happens when there are communication problems in a relationship.
What happens when communication fails in romantic relationships?
Consequences are difficult when we have communication problems in a relationship because it can lead to a breakdown in trust, misunderstanding, and frustration. If we cannot communicate effectively, it will be difficult to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship.
This is because communication is the key to understanding each other and resolving conflicts. Without communication, we would not be able to understand each other's needs and wants, and this would lead to tension and arguments. Expressing your needs is essential for happiness in love.
When this happens, relationships might end. Moreover, we may further reinforce our limiting beliefs about love, relationships, and our potential of ever being happy in a relationship.
Good communication is our ticket to understanding ourselves, our partner, and overall happiness in a relationship. In addition, effective relationship communication, helps you choose a better partner for a healthy secure relationship. Most communication issues can be avoided, but it's important to be aware of them.
What are some signs of communication problems in a relationship?
When we are in a thick of it, we may not even realize. Let's familiarize ourselves with some of the signs that you may struggle with communication problems in a relationship.
Some of the signs include:
All of these are super frustrating, but I want you to know that you have a lot of power to change this. Yes, it's true that it takes two for good communication, but I believe that there are some things that you can do that can significantly improve your communication. While working with many women, I noticed two mistakes that they make that cause them to have communication problems in a relationship.
Misconceptions that cause common communication issues in relationships
When talking about these mistakes, I'm not talking about communication techniques. It's rather about the initial mindset. I compare this to driving a car or a bike and not looking where you are going. If you have these misconceptions, it will cause you to have poor communication when you talk to your partner. Many high-achieving women, especially those who are also anxious love seekers, tend to make them.
Thinking that verbal skills equals healthy communication
It’s easy to think that verbal skills and overall communication skills are enough, but when it comes to romantic relationships, it takes so much more. First, romantic relationships require you to understand your own feelings so you can communicate them effectively. So many high achieving women struggle with this because they learned that it’s safer to keep their emotions hidden.
Another thing that is important is the ability to understand how your communication lands with your partner. Most anxious love seekers are so overwhelmed by fears that it’s hard to be emotionally present for the other person, your partner. And, remember, romantic relationships trigger our anxiety most intensely. It's essential to be aware of your struggles so you can catch yourself and avoid miscommunication and disagreement about irrelevant things.
Automatically assuming the role of victim when they want to communicate
This is the consequence of that inability to be present for your partner and understand that he may have his own fears, frustrations, or needs. Many women already have limiting beliefs about themselves, men, relationships. So, when they feel that something is not right, they automatically might feel angry before even talking with their partners. Of course, this will cause you to come across potentially aggressive, which in turn causes defensiveness in your partner. Now, you have two people in the role of victim who become guarded, defensive, or aggressive.
This kind of interaction starts looking like sibling bickering. When I offer my communication course to women, they usually say:
This is funny because you are the one seeking my services. When I work with men, I teach them effective communication, too. But, most importantly when you learn to communicate from the place of self-love instead of resentment, that’s when your partner can get on your side and join you in this love, instead of bickering like a couple of jealous siblings.
What is healthy communication?
It doesn't mean that people in healthy relationships have perfect communication skills. But there is something that differentiates secure women from anxious love seekers who often find themselves struggling with communication issues. What is it?
Secure women take their time to process feelings and come from the place of self-love without assuming negativity automatically.
They express their feelings, frustrations, boundaries, and needs openly with the expectations that their partner cares.
This communication pattern makes all the difference in the dynamic and where the conversation goes. A secure woman communicates in ways that uplift both her partner and herself. By communicating this way, they remind themselves that they are worthy, while showing their partners that they matter. Their partners get the message that their actions can hurt, but also that they can do better. This is empowering and helps you avoid communication problems in a relationship. Remember, evolved, secure men want to protect and make you happy. Your communication allows him to grow.
Openness is another communication skill that secure women have
Instead of blaming or shaming their partners, they ask more questions to truly figure out where their partners come from. This is a much more constructive way to approach difficult topics, get back on track in your conversation, and avoid unnecessary hurt feelings. Take your time to listen to your partner. When you communicate with your partner this way, you have a chance of creating deeper bond and connection in your relationship.
You see how your mindset matters in communication? What do you think? Do you want to continue feeling like your words don’t matter just to wind up arguing with your partner, or do you want to learn communication that brings you closer to your partner or creates powerful attraction on dates? Are you ready to address communication issues in a relationship?
Better communication is not that far away
You too, can improve your communication skills. If you want to build powerful attraction with quality men or improve the relationship with your partner, increase intimacy, follow me, subscribe, and join my Secure Love Creator Club. Communication in your relationship is essential to building a secure healthy relationship.
Fixing communication problems in a relationship may require professional help. I specialize in helping high achieving women, anxious love seekers communicate effectively with men without frustration.
Is relationship coaching right for you?
I offer online relationship coaching for high achieving women interested in sincere high quality men, men ready to give you their heart.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked