Trying to Be Feminine Will Not Help You Create a Secure Relationship

Exhausting Way to Find Love and Create a Secure Relationship

Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)

The biggest mistake most women make is thinking that they need to become more feminine or attractive if they want to attract a partner and create a secure relationship.  

And I get it. Everyone tells you that being more feminine will help you attract a man that you dream of, an alpha man, a powerful, strong, successful man.   It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you need to improve yourself in order to be the match to what you want. Everyone is telling you that.

But let me ask you. Is every stereotypically highly feminine woman who lives with a dream attractive alpha man happy in her relationship? Do they all feel safe and emotionally close to their partners? 

Trying to Be More Feminine or Attractive Doesn't Foster Confidence that Helps You Create a Secure Relationship

There are so many women who accomplish the ideals of what someone would consider feminine or attractive, and yet they don't necessarily feel confident and empowered. Trying to make yourself perfecter doesn’t lead to happiness in a relationship. And you could actually find yourself completely disheartened trying to contort yourself into someone you think is more attractive than you. You are contributing to original attachment trauma due to which you felt that you are not good enough.

Let’s reflect  on what it is that will make us happy! What we all really crave is a partner who will love us for who we are, not who we try to be.   

So how do you create a secure, happy relationship? When you ask women who are happy in their relationships, they all say that “just being themselves” helped them find the right one. Sounds so simple, huh? The problem is that it’s not easy to just be ourselves. Many of us have attachment trauma, which causes us to feel that we are not good enough, that we are too much, not feminine enough, and so on. So, we always feel a need to improve ourselves. We constantly focus on what’s wrong and what’s missing. This doesn’t allow us to appreciate who we are and therefore feel more confident.  

How Can We Become More Confident and Ready to Create a Secure Relationship

The reason we are stuck in trying to improve ourselves is because of attachment trauma or wounding.  At some point of our life, we learned that we are not worthy of love just the way we are. This often becomes a life long insecure attachment style because of which we can't experience security in a relationship. In order to start the healing process, it's important to break this unconscious pattern of focusing on our insecurities.  

The first step is becoming aware of your trauma triggers, the triggers that cause you to feel as you are not good enough. When you become aware of both, the triggers and the feelings that arouse, you can pause and actively choose to not go down that path.  This will not be easy, but it's so rewarding if you want to create a secure relationship. Once you learn how to process these difficult feelings and acknowledge triggers as only triggers, you can gradually settle into showing up as yourself. Women who do this become more open, expressive, and assertive. They are clear about their needs, desires, and boundaries.

By Letting Go of the Efforts to Become Feminine, You Actually May Yield to This Trait

When you show up for yourself, then your fears and anxieties go down naturally. This has profound effects on your attractiveness. It communicates confidence, and we all know that confidence is highly attractive. The funny thing is that many people consider this ability to be in touch with your feelings a feminine trait. I'm not against you embracing it and calling it feminine.

The reason I caution against "trying to be more feminine" is because guides defined by others just play into our own old insecurities that make us forget who we are. Trying to achieve yet another ideal imposed on us, women is just one more way in which we repeat the original wound that contributed to our attachment trauma. We reinforce the notion that we are not enough.

You Can Achieve a Secure Relationship Only if You Show Up As Yourself 

Being authentic also helps you attract the right partner, the one that will love you just the way you are, and this is the exact thing that we all want. We don’t want to just attract a desirable partner. Instead, most of us want to feel profound secure connection.  Only when we allow our partner to get to know us completely, the best, the worst, and all that in between we can feel accepted, wanted, desired, and secure in a relationship.  

One of the pillars of my Secure Love Creator Framework is Compassionate Self-Awareness. Here I teach you how to be aware of your trauma triggers, your limiting beliefs, your true values, and what makes you happy.  Once you have this dialed down, you can be ready to show up as yourself with deep inner knowing and confidence that is unparalleled when it comes to attractiveness. Ask any man. Secure men say that confidence is one of the most attractive traits. 

secure relationship

 So let me ask you. Do you really want to keep trying to be more feminine, which is yet another way of telling yourself that you are not good enough, which is frankly most likely your original trauma? Or do you want to show up as yourself and create a secure relationship with a partner who loves you for you.  

If you are tired of confusion, vagueness, and feeling like you are not good enough, I can help you. Check out my relationship coaching. 

Is relationship coaching right for you? 

I offer online relationship coaching for high achieving women interested in sincere high quality men, men ready to give you their heart. 

Create Magical Attraction and Emotional Bond with a Man of Your Dreams 

If you are looking to create magical attraction with an amazing man, you need to know how to express your feelings and needs. Your feelings are the path to his heart. 

Learn how to process and express your emotions. I created a course just for that. Self-Love Revolution-Express Your Feelings and Capture His Heart  course will help you learn how to communicate with your partner in the ways that will deepen your bond.

Learn how to express your needs and boundaries in the ways that will make your partner feel empowered to make you happy and protect you instead of making him defensive. Your anger is the key to your deeper emotions. Once you become aware of them, you can communicate much more effectively.

Learn How to Understand Your Emotions and  Communicate Your Needs 

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About the Author

I'm dedicated to guiding women from feeling confused and frustrated to feeling competent and joyful when it comes to matters of love and romance.