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If you want to be happy in a relationship or life in general, you must adopt radical responsibility for your choices and actions. This is an empowering attitude and you protect yourself from negative influences of your environment and past. These include your parents, upbringing, culture that tells you how you should be, or former partners that hurt you and cause you to self-sabotage your chances for happiness in relationships.
How do we lose personal power in life?
We all have negative experiences, and we all had to make choices that helped us survive. For instance, we women have to follow the protocol that teaches us we need to wait for love to bless us. Thus, I see so many powerful beautiful women wondering “What’s wrong with me? Why are things not happening for me? Why is it so hard to create a happy relationship?” If we want to find answers, we need to look at our upbringing.
Growing up we try to manage social relationships and maintain social support of our family. It's really essential for our survival that we do this. While we navigate this treacherous world, we adopt various limiting beliefs about ourselves, love, relationships, and so on.
Perhaps some of us learned that keeping mom and dad happy meant that you don’t bother them with our needs. Thus, we internalize that expressing our needs is not a good idea if we want to maintain relationships. Somehow, we wind up learning not to focus on our well-being. Then we wind up resentful in relationships when our needs are not met.
Expressing your needs is essential for happy and healthy relationships and a happy life in general. This is what I teach my clients, and it has a great impact on their relationship satisfaction.
I also see so many women arguing with me when I teach something like communication skills. They resent me for not advocating that men should also learn communication skills. They forget that I’m talking to them, not to their partners or other men. When I work with my male clients, I also teach them how to communicate with their partners.
Communication is essential for happiness in relationships and it has to start with you. This is what I call radical responsibility. In other words, you clean your house, and then see how your partner responds to it. Will he do his part? If you are one of overfunctioning love seekers, you will be anxious about what your partner will do. Learning how to allow your partner to step up for you and your relationship will be much more satisfactory for both of you.
Now, how do secure love creators adopt radical responsibility, which leads them to be happy in relationships and life in general?
Secure love creators take personal responsibility for everything that’s happening in their lives
Just like all of us, secure love creators too have some old wounds from childhood or past relationships. However, secure love creators come to the point of realizing that they don't want to allow the past and other people to affect their lives negatively. They remember that they are the ones that make decisions and choices in their lives, and they are the ones that will accept the consequences of those choices. They decide to look into the past for the sake of learning what works and what doesn't work for them.
All of this doesn’t mean that secure love creators are at fault for bad things happening to them. This only means that they take time to learn from their experiences.
You can even say, my partner was a narcissistic and horrible person. And, this can happen to everyone. It’s not your fault. What differentiates secure love creators from others is that they show self-compassion and do the work to identify what led them to choose and stay with such a partner.
Secure love creators also take time to examine what worked for them, and what didn’t. Doing so gives them emotional intelligence for future relationships. This work helps them not to be attracted to these kinds of people anymore. This is a great example of how radical responsibility helps increase happiness in relationships and life satisfaction. If you look at most happy people, they don't allow others to take their personal power away.
Secure love creators don’t wait for love to come to them
They told us, women, "Wait! Love will come to you naturally." Don't you see the BS beneath this advice. It's just a ploy to control our sexuality and power. What if you decided to go after the love and relationships you want? How much more power and choices would you have?
This is exactly what secure love creators do. They identify their desires and they go after what they want. To the rest of the world it seems that these women have such an easy time finding multiple suitors, but it’s not by an accident. They know what they are doing. They show interest in multiple people and take their time to see how it works with them. Can't you see how this can help you be more mindful about your choices for creating happiness in a relationship?
There is one more way in which secure love creators take responsibility for happiness in relationships.
Secure love creators express their needs and wants
Many over functioning love seekers struggle with this because often they feel ashamed of their needs and feelings. Secure love creators know that their needs matter and that their partner can't read their minds. This is essential to understand if you want to nurture happiness in relationships.
Instead of pouting that nobody gets them, secure love creators take responsibility for their happiness. They learn what makes them happy, and express their needs without offending their potential partner. This is a special skill and I teach my clients utilizing Love Building Communication. This is the fifth part of my Secure Love Creator Framework, and it helps women communicate effectively with men. It's helpful both in relationships as well as when you are dating. Secure love creators use it to attract partners that align with them while repelling those that are not a good match. This allows them to be more satisfied in their relationships.
Are you ready for happiness in relationships?
This same kind of future can be yours. You just need to do the work, but the work that you need to do isn’t supposed to be hustling. The work is about honoring yourself and learning that you are worthy of all the happiness that you desire. Remember, you make choices about what matters to you. What are you going to do? You also may use some dating tips for building confidence.
What if you stay in this disempowered victim role and don’t apply a radical responsibility approach in your life and relationships? You may find a partner by chance, but what are the chances that he will be right for you? Don’t you see so many people in miserable relationships just because they met someone and from the beginning they try to make it work, just to wind up re-wounding each other?
I know it’s not easy to become a secure love creator right away, but knowing the principles and developing your insight will help you to be on the right path. And, you may need to do a little healing so you can let go of old shackles, such as influences of negative cultural upbringing, parental negative influences, and previous relationships. We’ve all experienced some or all of these traumas. But, you can make your choices now. Let’s create a statement that will help you stay on track.
So, repeat after me. There were people and traditions that hurt me, prevented me from enjoying love and life, but from now on, I’m the one who makes decisions, chooses influences that work for me, and rejects those that disempower me. I will make mistakes, but I will learn from them and accept the consequences of my choices.
Also, let me know. Are you ready to adopt radical responsibility for your happiness in relationships?
Is relationship coaching right for you?
They told us, women, "Wait! Love will come to you naturally." Don't you see the BS beneath this advice. It's just a ploy to control our sexuality and power. What if you decided to go after the love and relationships you want? How much more power and choices would you have?
This is exactly what secure love creators do. They identify their desires and they go after what they want. To the rest of the world it seems that these women have such an easy time finding multiple suitors, but it’s not by an accident. They know what they are doing. They show interest in multiple people and take their time to see how it works with them. Can't you see how this can help you be more mindful about your choices for creating happiness in a relationship?
There is one more way in which secure love creators take responsibility for happiness in relationships.
I offer online relationship coaching for high achieving women interested in sincere high quality men, men ready to give you their heart.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
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Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked