Are You Ready for Love
Feel Like a Muse (even if your guy isn't a poet)
Sure you want love. Love is something that we all strive for. As mammals, we are created to bond with other humans. If that bonding doesn't occur properly, you will have issues that will make it hard to get the love you crave. If you struggle with some of those issues, you may not be ready for love.
When I say, "ready for love," what do I mean? What I want to ask is if you are ready to receive the love you crave. Do you think you are worthy of the love you dream of? Do you love yourself and are you ready to give that love back to your partner?
When you are not ready for love
Although partnership and love is an essential human need, you may not be in a good place to give or receive love.
Don't worry. Your quest is not doomed forever. You may have to work on a couple of things that will get you to "good enough place." You can seek a partner or a relationship. If you are in a relationship already and love your partner, you can significantly improve your bond with your partner.
Read more to find out what are typical ways in which you may not be ready for love. I also explain what you can do about it.
1. You are deeply unhappy with yourself
The biggest problem is if you are deeply unhappy and you hope that you will find fulfillment in your next relationship, next partner, or next vacation, and so on. So, you may put the burden of happiness on your relationship or your partner.
Doing this simply doesn't work. The happiest relationships are when two people are basically happy, and then they enrich each other's lives.
You may find a great partner that loves you, and you love him, but if you are unhappy, you will not be able to feel the happiness in your relationship. It will take a great toll on your relationship, and you will associate unhappiness with your partner or your relationship.
How to get ready for love when you are unhappy
So, in order to get ready for love, I recommend working on the condition that will help you address your unhappiness. It can be depression, trauma, anxiety, or being in a life transition where you may struggle to find a purpose. In my therapy sessions with clients, I help them sort this out and address the issues that caused this unhappiness.
Besides therapy sessions, my therapy clients get great benefits from writing in a journal and doing some sort of gratitude practice. You too can try it. If you need extra support you can seek therapy sessions that will help you specifically with relationships.
Regardless of what condition you have, I design the interventions to help you improve your relationships with self and your partner. This kind of work helps you with self-confidence, which leads to better relationships and getting ready for love.
2. You don't know yourself
Another obstacle to happy relationships is when you don't know yourself that well. If you don't know yourself, how will you find the right partner?
The problem is that our families and society raise us to be attuned to others. This leads to not being able to know who we are, what we want, what makes us happy, what makes us sad. Our nervous system simply wasn't trained to be in touch with our own emotions, needs, and desires.
What happens is that at some point, you had to make a difficult decision to bury your emotions and carry on with life making sure that you are pleasing to mommy, daddy, teachers, and so on. It was hard to know what you needed or wanted.
Perhaps, there was so much drama, and mommy and daddy where unhappy, so you didn't want to add to that. Or, you wanted love and praise, so making yourself less prominent while performing well in school was what did the trick.
Then, you grew up and you are ready to find a partner, but you may have just a superficial list of characteristics that you can check off. You may have a hard time "feeling him" and figuring out if the relationship with him will work out for you.
Of course, you may put it on yourself to make it work. If you are just less needy and make sure that you do everything that's needed, will make your relationship happy.
Everyone tells you, you are a great pair, so your natural instinct may be to please all of them too.
You go along with the plan with a big lump in your throat. You even may feel guilty that you feel weird. After all, you two look like a picture perfect couple.
You see how not knowing yourself can be a culprit in a relationship.
Get in touch with your emotions and understand yourself
So, getting to know yourself will help you get ready for the love you crave. In my relationship coaching sessions with clients, I help them figure out what they need by asking relevant questions that will help them explore their deepest selves.
Then I use somatic practices that help them integrate emotions and intellect. My clients uncover their emotional intelligence and feel more confident about their decisions.I designed The Self-Love Revolution to help you get in touch with your emotions and understand yourself better. They didn't raise us encouraging anger, but getting in touch with it can be very helpful to you. Understanding your anger will help you know yourself and be in touch with your emotions.
3. You are always on a quest for the next thing
If you are one of us, who is always on the run to accomplish the next thing, you may not be ready for love and a healthy relationship. Relationships take time and energy, but you've been keeping yourself busy. Why have you?
Keeping yourself busy is one of the strategies that keep us safe from difficult emotions that come from old wounding. It's a very useful strategy, and it helped you accomplish a lot, but an important question is what emotions are you running from.
Do you find yourself, thinking how nice it would be to have a partner, but at the same time you think you are so busy that you don't have time?
Our upbringing was such that they always pushed us to keep striving for the next stage.
There is nothing wrong with accomplishments. However, if you are unable to pause and relish your success, then you will have a hard time being in a deeply satisfying relationship with a partner who's ready to give and receive love.
You may find yourself thrilled to check off one more point on your checklist, just to find yourself staring into the abyss wondering, "What's next." You've got your dopamine rush by getting the guy and getting married, but then what? You feel stunned with frenzy.
Of course, you can go on to have one then another kid, and so on. However, just the fact that you are driven by dopamine that comes from accomplishing things will be hard on your relationship. Being ready for love means that you can enjoy your life in both instances when it's thrilling as well as when it's mundane and boring.
You may misinterpret your excitement
Imagine a super thrilling guy who displays a great deal of attention by taking you on a weekend trip to Paris for the weekend. You can easily misinterpret your excitement with affection for this guy.
Similarly, if you are of this thrill chasing mindset, you may be attracted to guys who take you on an emotional roller coaster ride. You are attracted to them based on their limited availability and inconsistent display of affection. This kind of mindset definitely doesn't lead to happy relationships.
Our upbringing can lead to this kind of mindset easily. Just think of your education. You just have to finish the first grade, then the second, and so on. Then, you find a job and get the promotion, etc. So, it's just natural that you are driven in this way.
However, if this mindset is beyond your control, there may be some other underlying limiting beliefs. For instance, you may internalize that your worth is based on your accomplishments. With this kind of mindset, you will have a hard time believing that you are worthy of love just because...
How to get ready for love when you are a dopamine junky
In order to be ready for love, you need to work on the underlying beliefs. Join Be Here & Now Relationship Academy to get a free course on how to deal with limiting beliefs that prevent you from getting the love you want.
In my session with clients, I help them process their emotions and identify where these limiting beliefs come from. I help them replace them with empowering beliefs utilizing mindfulness tools and meditation that takes them to the time when they felt worthy and valuable (whatever is the opposite of the limiting belief we identify).I also guide my clients through the practice that helps them integrate their experience utilizing body-mind approaches. Feel Worthy of Love Meditation can help you work on your limiting belief that you are loveable only when you are accomplishing things.
Are you ready to get ready for love?
So, if you are ready to be ready for love, I'm here for you. I provide relationship coaching that can help you clear the blocks and limiting beliefs that prevent you from thriving in romantic relationships.
There are services for singles and for those in a relationship.
Online Relationship Coaching for Women Who Want to Find Love or Improve Relationship with Their Partner
COACHING FOR SINGLE WOMEN LOOKING FOR LOVE--GET READY FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
COACHING FOR WOMEN WHO WANT TO IMPROVE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS--REACH HIS HEART
I offer online relationship coaching for singles and those in a relationship. Check out how relationship coaching can help you in your particular situation.
Let's see what you need to work on to have a happy relationship. Schedule a free disovery session with me, and we can discuss how we can work together.
In case that you are not ready for coaching or therapy, you can sign up for my free academy where you can find courses that will help you with your love life. Sign up now to deal with your limiting beliefs that may prevent you from getting the love you want.
Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
You will also get two bonus courses:
Challenge Your Accidental Singledom Assumptions - Learn how to change your limiting beliefs and get the love you want
Reach His Heart- Communicate with your partner, so he never has to feel attacked