Embrace Your Power in the Relationship to Avoid Power Imbalance

Three Healing Ways to Embrace Your Power in the Relationship 

Do you know what your power as a woman is? Can you feel the sense of power that you can influence another human being, your partner? You know, you can make someone happy, sad, and motivated. You hold so much power. I know you have a good heart, and this is why I’m sharing this with you. The problem is you don’t own it, especially if you are an anxious love seeker and if you want to create a secure, happy relationship, you must know how yo embrace your power in the relationship.

What is power in romantic relationships?

When we talk about power in the relationship, we usually talk about power and control. But, there is more to it. Having power in relationships does not necessarily mean that you can manipulate your partner, make all of the decisions, and always get what you want. This is an unhealthy power which could result in poor power dynamics in a relationship. If a couple struggles with power balance, it results in one partner having the ability to make decisions about where the relationship is going, while another person feels like they are simply at the mercy of what their partner decides.

Every therapist will tell you that this relationship dynamic is not healthy.

Power dynamics in romantic relationships of people with anxious and avoidant attachment

his imbalance of power may not be the reality. Our perception has a great impact on how we feel about ourselves, our power, and our relationship. We often see these kind imbalances in a relationship in a distancer-pursuer dynamic. A distancer who usually has an avoidant attachment style feels more in power of their ability to decide if they are going to give their heart to someone. To preserve their sense of power, distancers avoid yielding to love. On the other hand, a pursuer, or a person with an anxious attachment, usually feels a lack of power in the relationship because they position themselves as someone who hopes that this one person will yield to their love and love them back.

Focusing only on this one dimension can make us feel that we don't have any relationship power if we are an anxious love seeker. Of course, there is more to the story. Power in a relationship can be defined as being able to express your love to your partner without feelings of shame and fear. Having a healthy balance of power allows you to not only tell your partner your needs but also to listen to their needs without feeling attacked.

Most importantly, when you embrace positive power, you also empower your partner. That's when your partner feels safe to let go and yield his heart to your love.

Ultimately, your love is power. You need to know this and remember that you can decide where to give your love.

How can power imbalance affect relationships?

I need to remind you that the power imbalance in your relationship depends on you. You can avoid power struggles. It's all about how you decide to look at things. Unfortunately, most of you, my anxious love seeker clients and audience, often position themselves as a beggar in their own eyes. Many of you don’t see how valuable you are.

More importantly, not knowing your value leads you to feel inferior in the relationship. Instead of standing up for the power dynamic, many anxious love seekers feel that their partner needs to grant the power to them. Naturally, you wind up feeling resentful if you perceive that your partner holds more power. The results of this can be detrimental to your relationship.

Here are the examples of how accepting powerlessness can cause damage in your relationship:

  • It leads to major communication problems because of positioning yourself as a victim in conversations, and that causes both of you and your partner to be defensive and aggressive when communicating. You always feel intimidated when your partner tells you something.
  • You may struggle to see the love that your partner gives you. It feels like he only does it because he is required to do so.
  • You may not feel connected to your partner.
  • Your partner winds up feeling helpless and not knowing what else to do to make you happy.

It is important to note that it is not all up to you to maintain proper power dynamics in your relationship. Your partner has his own role to play and he should make sure that he focuses on his own growth to maintain a healthy balance in the relationship.

Maintain a balance of power in the relationship and avoid unhealthy power

Having power in romantic relationships can equate to having self-respect and knowing your self-worth. While having power gives you what you deserve in relationships, it is not that easy to cultivate it. But like any other else, we can start from somewhere, right? What matters is that you know that you can do a lot while working on yourself, but when you give voice to your needs, you allow your partner to meet you on this journey of maintaining healthy power in the relationship.

Here are the things secure women do to get in touch with their power in relationships.

Avoid pre-conceived notions of how things should go to keep positive power

Unlike anxious love seekers, secure love creators know their value and therefore they don't need validation from the outside world. This is especially relevant when they date. How do they avoid power imbalances in relationships from the start?

They go on a date with a sense of adventure and wonder. Secure love creators want to discover what this person is like. They are present and observant. Unlike secure love creators, anxious love seekers already start wondering "Where this is going?" "Does he really like me?" "Is he gonna hurt me?" Can you see how you lose control and power in relationships with this kind of thinking?

When you compare how secure love creators and anxious love seekers face situations like this, you can tell that it's easier to go overdrive and always expect the worse so you do not get disappointed. However, worrying too much result in you losing your personal power. Going on dates is supposed to be fun and is also an opportunity for you to determine if a particular guy is right for you. So, my advice is to take your time and get to know the person so you can see how they show up. Secure love creators keep their power of discerning and this gives them a great sense of control in relationships.

Embrace the attitude of gratitude to embrace the sense of personal power and control in relationships

One of the signs on an unhealthy power balance is feeling that you don't enjoy the relationship. The problem may not even be in the relationship. It could be that you may not know how to enjoy at all. No judgement here. Many of us, high-achieving women, struggle with this because our parents and society teach us only how to achieve our goals. We internalize that there is no time to enjoying, relishing our experiences, or pausing to relax. How are you supposed to feel empowered when you position yourself as a cog for meeting goals? Those who have the power usually enjoy life and experiences.

You too, can enjoy life. Practice of gratitude is great to change your trauma automations that keep you stuck in feeling powerless. How do we practice gratitude in relationships? Here are some tips. Think of your partner or a guy you are meeting for a date. This person spends some time getting ready to meet you. He took you to a nice place, and he put some thought into it for you. So, feel that gratitude. Doesn’t it make you feel you matter?

The key is in noticing small things

Then, when the relationship progresses, notice small things your partner changes because of you. Perhaps he will change his old ugly sofa, buy new plates, do some work in the yard, and so on.

This reminds me when I used to be an anxious love seeker, I would not see these things as related to me. I would think that my partner does it just because he is a nice person, not because he cares about me. Let me tell you, there is nothing more defeating to a man than when you can’t accept his gifts or tokens of affection. Many show their love by doing things for us, and when we can’t accept them, they often give up. When you embrace your power, you can enjoy it and show gratitude, which is so reassuring to your partner.

Also, nurturing self-respect will help you embrace your sense of power.

Do you see how the practice of gratitude can help us maintain good power dynamics in relationships?

Remember that you've got yourself to keep the power balance

It is important to remember that no matter what happens in any relationship you are in, you must know that you can manage to take care of yourself. Your partner needs to know that you can love and leave. Even if you love him, you love yourself just a little more. This notion can give you some peace of mind.

You ultimately know when red flags appear, you can always express your needs and boundaries. Then, let your partner make a decision if he wants to be a part of your wonderful world by respecting them. You aren't the only person in the relationship.

You also know your non-negotiables for a relationship. Knowing this is essential if you want to create a happy, secure relationship. When you define your boundaries, needs, and non-negotiables, both he and you know you are not gonna take crap. He needs to know that you know there are so many other men that can love you in the ways you love to be loved. Keeping this in mind will help you connect to your personal power and maintain a power balance in your relationship. Shared power feels safe, and this is when men can actually feel safe to fall in love with you.

How to avoid an imbalance in power that can damage your relationship?

Now that you understand how important it is to embrace your power, it is essential to keep this awareness and how an imbalance in power can damage your relationship. We always need to check in with ourselves because every argument can trigger trauma automations that throw us into fight or flight responses which further cause power struggles with your partner.

Here are several questions that you can ask yourself to make sure that you remain fair and nurture your relationship instead of hurting your partner.

  • Do I respect my partner and his/hers points of view?
  • Do I threaten to end relationship if things don't go my way?
  • Can I stay present and hear my partner out during disagreements?

Answers to these questions will help you know if you feel powerless and therefore resorting to power struggle with your partner or if you feel empowered to allow space for both of you to express needs and boundaries.

How to work on yourself to avoid power struggles in relationships

Before you even enter any relationship, it's important to know who you are, what you want, and what you don't want in a relationship. Only then, can you attract a partner with whom you can create secure love in a healthy relationship. This is exactly what I teach my clients. They are usually amazed how easy relationships can be when they feel solid about themselves. They know that they have power in the relationship and they are OK that their partners have it too.

The Couture Love Plan is the third step of my Secure Love Creators Framework and I use it to help my clients define how they want to be loved without feeling unworthy. This helps them embrace their power and understand the value they bring in a relationship. Only when you embrace your power, can you start dating with the purpose of creating a secure, healthy relationship.

Only then can you figure out who's the player and who aligns with your vision of a relationship. You know what my client’s boyfriends say to them? You make me want to be a better man. I want to change for you. You communicate so well. This is all because my clients are able to see their power and therefore, see the men they are with. These men feel emotionally safe with their partners. You too can transition from an anxious love seeker to a secure love creator, so you can enjoy love and life.

If you want to learn more about secure love, join my Secure Love Creator Club.


Is relationship coaching right for you? 

I offer online relationship coaching for high achieving women interested in sincere high quality men, men ready to give you their heart. 



Get exclusive access to my best tips about love, dating, and relationships in the free Academy Resource Hub and download The Accidental Singledom Checklist: Are You Standing in Your Own Way?

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About the Author

I'm dedicated to guiding women from feeling confused and frustrated to feeling competent and joyful when it comes to matters of love and romance.

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